"Rule for Life Number One: You marry at the level of your own psychological health.
Strive though you will to find someone who possesses the strengths you lack, you will ultimately wind up with a man who's approximately your double. What are you missing? Most women bounce from crib to school to college (if they're lucky) to a quasi-career, then into a connubial bed, without first defining who they are. Their totality depends on getting a husband...
"Dr. Albert Ellis, in Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy, lists twelve important self-defeating beliefs that preven tus from defining ourselves clearly and becoming adults. Among these, the following are critical:
- It is terrible when things are different from what I would like them to be.
- My suffering is caused by others and events beyond my control.
- It is easier for me to avoid than to face up to difficulties and responsibilities in my life.
- I can become happy without taking action on my own behalf.
- I have little control over how I feel.
"These five beliefs all share a common basis: "I have little or no command over my life and must or should adhere to others' notions of who I am and how I should live my life." But responsibilities and difficulties do not disappear through denial or evasion. Happiness is not dispensed to you. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.""
From Men are Just Desserts by Sonya Friedman