Preserving a Dignified Silence

They say that it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to blog and remove all doubt. Maybe this post will confirm your suspicions that I am a fool.

There have been several things that I have been mulling over lately. One is this article that was posted on Rick Cappeza's website. Another article in the same vein that came my way (but for which I don't have a link), is the following which I will paste:


UNDERSTANDING YOUR SEX DRIVE

2003 NEW RELEASE from SILOAM: INTIMATE AND UNASHAMED
by Dr. Scott Farhart

"Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married
Rebekah. So she became his wife; and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted
after his mother's death." (Genesis 24:67, NIV)

In spite of God's good plan for sexual fulfillment in marriage, many men
ask the question: "Why doesn't my wife ever initiate sex?" The flip side of
that question comes from women: "Why is my sexual drive so low compared to
my husband's? These questions expose a complex issue involving many
factors; the answers are vital to any couple struggling in their sexual
relationship.

And it seems to be an issue that has only recently surfaced with the
'sexual' revolution of the 1960s. Generations past did not struggle so
intensely with the idea of unequal sexual drive. It was seen as normal for
the man to possess a greater drive for intercourse than the woman. But with
the emphasis placed on sex in our culture and the infusion of the women's
rights movement, there is a new perception that men and women should have
an equal sexual drive. When that does not manifest itself in "real" life,
both the husband and wife want to know, WHY NOT?

WHAT THE MEDIA PORTRAY IS FICTION

Men are created with a stronger tendency to initiate, while women are often
better to receive. It is within these God-given roles that men would
naturally be the initiators of intercourse and women the receivers of their
love. And there would be less problem with misunderstanding these roles if
the world hadn't interfered by injecting its ungodly "standards."

HOLLYWOOD'S INFLUENCE
On televisions and movie screens, in books and magazines, in music videos
and video games, the role is portrayed of a woman who is sexually desirable
taking charge over the man: ripping off his shirt, unbuttoning his pants
and taking control. This scenario has become every man's fantasy because it
is Hollywood's fantasy. However, this perception of a woman's role is a
complete reversal of the way God made us. This model of sexual activity
should never be perceived as the norm.

Much of the discrepancy expressed by men and women concerning sexual drive
is a matter of perception: It involves what you think you should be doing
or what your spouse wants you to do. And some of the sense of "lower"
sexual drive in women is actually a reflection of how they perceive a good
Christian woman should behave. In their proper rejection of Hollywood's
version of the oversexed, promiscuous harlot, women may unwittingly reject
the natural desires God placed within them. This lack of understanding of
what is normal and acceptable in a godly sexual relationship plagues many
women.

BIBLICAL FREEDOM
While men are routinely taught that their sex drive is a strong aspect of
what it is to be a man, women rarely receive such positive reinforcement,
especially from the Christian community. Women can confuse the godly
understanding of being submitted to their husbands with being "submissive,"
passively waiting for him to initiate sexual activity. They wrongly
interpret a desire to have intercourse with their "flesh" that the Bible
commands us to crucify.

The Bible teaches us the proper perspective to have regarding marital sex
and sets us free from the world's distorted perceptions. For example, the
apostle Paul commands the husband to fulfill his marital duty to his wife
and the wife to her husband:

"The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the
wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also
to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him
alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other..." (1 Corinthians
7:3-5)

This mutual sharing of each other's body as taught by the Scriptures gives
freedom to the Christian couple to understand that both the man and the
woman have a right to have sex without fearing they are somehow displeasing
God. The apostle Paul warns them not to deprive one another, except for a
period of time they would devote to prayer, lest Satan tempt them to be
unfaithful (1 Cor. 7:5).

Just discovering this truth can increase a woman's sexual desire for her
husband because she now realizes she has a right to it. And a husband's
understanding of the God-given differences between the initiator he is and
the receiver she is may give him more reasonable (godly) expectations of his wife.

THE ROLE OF HORMONES

There is another important difference between men and women that affects
the natural sex drive - the hormone testosterone. In men, testosterone is
the primary sex hormone, whereas in women it is a very small part of their
hormonal makeup. Testosterone fuels the sexual drive, so the differences in
levels of testosterone between male and female also contribute to what many
couples see as an imbalance in sexual drive. The bottom line reality is
that men and women are created by God with drastically different sexual
drives; if we accept this fact, we can come to a much healthier idea of
what "normal" really is."

End of quote

I thought it was worth while passing along both of the articles for several reasons. First of all, as the first article stated, pornography has created a distorted view of sexuality for men and women. Women are now expected to be sexual amazons with an appetite that matches the male of the species. The new "ideal" woman is also one who is less curvacious than an older generation, and aside from breasts, looks more like a man, especially if you look at the muscle building and fitness mags. Some of the women in there look like they have taken a woman's head and stuck it on a man's body in a bikini. The proliferation of pornography has made sex miserable for many women. Like it or not, Christians (men and women) have adopted this perverted and fictional picture of female sexuality so that disappointment abounds in the bedroom when reality fails to live up to it.

The other factor is that the proliferation of birth control and the limiting of most families to one or two children means that the better part of North Americans, including doctors, are *unaware* of the changes that the libido can go through in extended childbearing. I am one of those women who is blessed with a lack of cycles while I nurse. That is a great convenience, but it also means that I have a greatly diminished sex drive as well. I remember going to the doctor after baby # 3 and asking him what was wrong with me. He didn't know. It wasn't until later when I was hanging out with midwives and had become more educated that I learned that this was *normal* for many women during times of lactational amenorrhea. But combine a populace of few children and few women who nurse beyond a few weeks or months, and most health care providers don't have a lot of experience in recognizing this for what it is.

Now, in the face of my ignorance, my dh's ignorance, and my doctor's ignorance, what do you think the result was? We all thought something was wrong with ME. In an earlier generation where long periods of nursing and many children being the norm, this would have been taken for granted. But in a sex-saturated and sex-fixated society, what is normal for some is now viewed as being the true perversion. Birth control has come to mean that women are available at all times and the perversions extend to having relations during menses so that even that is no longer off limits. The natural rhythm and flow that goes with ovulation, menstruation, pregnancy, childbearing, and nursing are ignored in the demands of sex for sex's sake.

The other thing that I think that has happened is that we now no longer know how we are supposed to look. It becomes increasingly harder to accept the aging process. Look at the Hollywood starlets who are the epitome of what our culture worships in terms of beauty and desirability --Demi Moore after she had her three kids had liposuction AND new breast implants AND worked out with a trainer like a woman possessed. We thought things were bad in the nineties when you needed surgery to have a baby. Now you need surgery to restore your body to porno proportions after having a baby too.

I was working out in the gym yesterday with one of my older daughters and I was thinking as I watched myself lift weights in a mirror that I am looking rather matronly and middleaged. Well guess what? I am a matron and middle-aged to boot. My face is relatively unlined, but I have more and more grey hairs popping up and now I find the ugly head of vanity raising its head. And I *look* like someone who has had a lot of kids. Ever seen a brood mare with the sway back and belly low to the ground that comes with repeated foaling? I am her human equivalent. Even if you stay away from porn and women's mags, it is hard to escape the influence they can wield since our culture is so influenced by them. What is a healthy 42 year old mother of 11 *supposed* to look like? Should I be a hag and let it go at that? How far am I allowed to go in compensating for gravity? I struggle with the demon of discontent in this area at times. It is *hard* to get the balance between just not caring any more and caring too much. But I think if I were really honest, I had that problem at every age.

It is helpful at these times to go back to Scripture and find our bearings there. It is easy for a woman to use a lack of libido as an excuse to not fulfill her duties to her husband. It is easy to use the kids as an excuse for not taking care of herself. Instead, we have to remind ourselves of what is required of us, even when we don't want to do it, and that this is an act of obedience to God that will reap a blessing.

Anyhow, I thought that these articles might be of help to anyone else who may struggle in this area like I do.

Yep, yep, yep...

But I don't think I am tragic.


Numenorean


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

How Rude!

Or is it? Is it rude to declare that you are sick to death of your discussion groups? I have shut off each and every one that I am subscribed to with the exception of those that I own or moderate. And even there I am mostly lurking and not commenting these days. I have also stopped reading all but one or two blogs (won't say which ones) and I am not commenting on them either.

General malaise or general fed-up-ed-ness has set in. I am sick to death of discussing or fighting about the same old, same old.

Signs

Sceptics would call this "coincidence," but I prefer to call it "Signs that I am Loved."

Yesterday I took our fuel efficient Chevy Malibu to town. I had Princess Elodie, Groovy Garnet, Beautiful Bethany, and Terrific Trahern. We got about half way to town when all of a sudden every light on my dashboard came on. Then the speedometer, thermometer and RPM meter went dead. Then the car died -- right in the middle of an intersection near a gas station. I put the car into neutral, and thankfully there was no traffic for once at that busy corner, and we pushed the car into the gas station so that we wouldn't be in imminent danger of being struck.

I was able to phone my daughter Trista who came and picked up the children in two lots with her little car while I stayed with our sick and ailing Malibu to await a tow to the automotive shop. You know your life is too full when you consider a break down a bit of a holiday. I made my way into the convenience store attached to the gas station and bought myself some corn chips and bottled water and settled down in my car for a blissful 20 minutes to eat and read uninterrupted.

The car was duly towed and Trista then graciously came and picked me up from the shop and drove me all the way home so I could get the family van for a return to town for the children and a resumption of the grocery store trip.

So my first sign that I am loved is the fact that God arranged for my car to have a fit in a convenient location.

Well, we got through the grocery shopping in record time. I drove home with a van load of food and the children only to realize once I got home that I had left my keys to the office behind at the grocery store and now could not answer the business phone or get to the computer or any of the 3 million things that I keep in here. So... back into the van with Handsome Hannah and Neat Nate in the hopes that my keys would be found and a brief stop at the Y to work out some of the kinks my back had acquired during the course of the day.

I walked into SuperStore and inquired about the keys. They were not there. I started to walk around the store to see if I could find them, only to be called back by the customer service rep on the PA. Someone had just turned my keys in.

So there you have it -- my car breaks down in a good place for breaking down, and my keys are returned at precisely the same moment I am in the store. Coincidence? Nah. I am Loved.

Spring Fever

The sun has been out, a warm wind from the south has been blowing and the snow is melting rapidly. Everywhere you look are decaying mounds of snow, no longer lovely but dark, dirty and trashy looking. Garbage that was decently interred under drifts is now being resurrected and needing a thorough burial at the dump or immolation on the burning pile.

Because the sun is rising earlier now, it gets me out of bed at an early hour too -- frequently before 6 am. And now that the days are longer and warmer, I am feeling the itch to CLEAN!

So, the next few weeks, before Marc returns home from his work stint in Calgary, will be devoted to deep spring cleaning all the rooms in the house as well as painting and decorating the bathroom, the girls' bedroom and the mudroom. I feel the blood surging through my veins in anticipation of the soul-cleansing feeling of a thoroughly clean house.

Babyholics Anonymous

It started with just one little baby. I thought I could handle it. Then that wasn't enough anymore, so I had another, then another, and things just spiraled out of control.

To help others with this addiction, I've decided to start the first North American chapter of Babyholics Anonymous. Here is an outline of our 12-Step Program:

1. First admit that you are a babyholic...you can't live without the smell of those little downy heads and the feeling you get when gazing at those perfectly-formed, tiny toes.

2. Acknowledge a Power greater than yourself...the Almighty, three-in-one God, who created heaven and earth, and without Whose will not a hair can fall from our heads.

3. Realize that your life belongs to this sovereign God, and that apart from Him you can do nothing.

4. Take a realistic look at yourself and know that without salvation through Jesus Christ, you are dead in your trespasses and sins.

5. Confess to God and to yourself your lack of trust in His promises when you are tempted to refuse His blessings of children.

6. Be willing to accept God's blessings.

7. Ask God to bless you and be prepared to receive those blessings.

8. Make a list of reasons why you would refuse to receive those blessings, compare it to the reasons people "choose" to get abortions, and repent of your selfishness and lack of faith.

9. Hug the children you already have, and, if necessary, repent before them of your wrong attitude about children.

10. Constantly evaluate your attitudes, and remind yourself that you are here to glorify God and lay up treasure in heaven.

11. Pray daily for God's strength and wisdom.

12. Raise your children to glorify God, discipline them diligently and train them to continue this vision someday in their own families so that your godly seed will have a great impact on the world.

"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing. But in our culture
we apply for a curse and reject blessings. Something is wrong with this
picture."–Doug Phillips

Garnet

Elodie is not the only cute one in the family. The office of cutest small boy has been reserved for Garnet, who is three and a half.

Garnet was potty trained many months ago but still has the habit of coming and announcing to me that he needs to use the washroom before he will use it. The other day my husband and I were sitting in our office chatting and Garnet came in to tell me that he had to use the washroom. I replied, "Okay, go for it, man!" but Marc, my husband asked him, "Garnet why don't you still wear diapers?" Garnet replied, "Cuz Mom won't buy them for me any more" as he left the office with a downcast expression and sigh for the good old days.

And while I think of it, I will ask Emeth to post a picture of Garnet so that I won't be challenged on his cuteness.

Curing Matt's Agnosticism

Since doubt has been cast on my ability to judge the daintiness and sweetness of Princess Elodie, I have forwarded a picture of her to Emeth who controls how my blog looks (since I don't have a clue how to do this, or I would remove the orange colors off of it) and I hope she will post it for me. Then you can all judge for yourselves.

Baby Genius

Dainty Princess Elodie took her first steps today -- five of them! She is nine months old and looked mightily pleased with herself. That little face just shone with delight and pride in her accomplishment.

She is the sweetest, daintiest, most intelligent baby on the planet.

Morbid Curiosity

I don't always understand how my brain works or why I feel driven to learn about certain things. Lately, I have felt a compulsion to understand the process of dying. No one that is close to me is terminally ill, and I have no premonitions about my own health or death. In some respects I guess this is the other end of the continuum of my education about health and life. I used to be a doula and have a pretty good knowledge of how people get here. Now, perhaps, it is time for me to round out my education and learn about how they leave here.

This is a rather strange subject to delve into. Death is the one thing that we don't want to deal with, but which is always hanging over us. You can't get out of life alive. Ok, so how do we get out?

Prior to the advent of antibiotics, death was far more common and life was often far shorter than it is today. The smells, sights and feelings of death were things that were commonly experienced by earlier generations on an uncomfortably regular basis. Death wasn't limited to only the elderly -- many babies, many youths, many young men and women were struck down in their prime by a variety of circumstances. Now, fewer babies and young people die and life has been extended into the 80's and 90's for more and more people.

The result? Death has become something that many of us are not familiar with in our youth. The shortness of life is easier to ignore. And when death comes, it is sanitized very often by the intervention of doctors and nurses, morticians and funeral home directors. The reality of death is almost limited to the void that is left by the person being gone. There is little that we personally have to do with our family members who pass on. You can hire someone else to do it.

Of course, not everyone is so arm's length from death. There are those who do hospice care in their homes for their loved ones so that they are in familiar surroundings when the end comes. When I go, I hope that I will be able to do it this way. I don't want to be in a ward in a rented bed. I want to be in my own surroundings with those I love around me to encourage me on. Of course, we don't necessarily get to choose how we will die or where. But if I had my druthers....

I wonder if birth control would be so popular if people didn't think most of their children would make it beyond the first few years of life?

Headcoverings and Modesty

Some posts by Matt and Sora reminded me of a recent discussion I was involved in concerning the use of headcoverings as a sign of modesty and submission for women in our culture. Is the headcovering meant to be a sign of these things forever and always? Here is a copy of a post from a friend of mine that deals with the question as laid out by Durham and Gillespie:

Let's start with Durham on Scandal:

"Chap 6: Holding forth the difficulty mainly in pracitce, and shewing how far offence ought to have influence on a Christian in his walk."

Durham proceeds in making careful distinctions/qualifications via 3 assertions (I'll be including 2):

1. Necessary duties.

2. Things of light concernment in themselves (the context will evidence a sense of things not inherently necessary)

"1. For no offence whatsoever should men forbear a necessary duty, or commit any thing which is materially sinful. Christ would needs go up to Jerusalem, altho' his Disciples were displeased, and would continue in preaching the Gospel, and in doing what was intrusted to him, altho' the Pharisees were offended, Matt 15. This is clear: For no Evil should be done that Good may come of it, Rom 3.

2. Assert. Yet in other things there ought to be great respect had to offence, and men ought to be swayed accordingly in their practice, as the former Reasons clear; As, 1. If the matter be of light concernment in itself, as how mens Gestures are in their walking, (Suppse in walking softly, or quickly with Cloke or without) Men ought to do or abstain as may prevent the Contruction of Pride, Lightness, etc. or give occasion to others in any of these: Of such sort are salutations in the very manner of them. Of this sort was women praying with their heads uncovered amongst the Corinthians, it being then taken for an evil sign; yet if it be necessary, there is nothing little, as moses will not leave an hoof, Exodus 10, nor Mordecai bow his knee to Haman, because it that it looked like fauning on an accursed enemy: Of this Sort also are offences in the fasions of Clothes, as some Mens wearing Ribbons, and such like, which being of small Concernment, ought certainly to be regulated by Offence" - Durham's treatise concerning scandal, pg 24; Ch 6 Part 1.

The 1st assertion deals with necessary duties. The 2nd, however, deals with things of another nature (things of light concernement, etc). This fact alone demonstrates how Durham interpreted the nature of the practice, without question. This section should be interpreted as a qualifier in reference to Durham's comments on 1st Corinthians 11 in "The Law Unsealed." Appealing to historical practice in Scotland, or anywhere else is fallacious (in this context); an instance of question begging. The question is not in reference to the practice historically, but in reference to the nature of the historical practice. If this method was not assumed when examining historical accounts, one by consequence would terminate in a thousand superstitious conclusions...perhaps an infinite number of conclusions.

The covering is either necessary inherently, or not. Durham excludes the covering from the category of inherently necessary duties, and squarely places it in a category of a different nature - "Yet in other things......If the matter be of light concernment.....Of such Sort are salutations in the very manner of them. Of this Sort was womens praying with their heads uncovered amongst the Corinthians, it being then taken for an evil sign, etc" Therefore, etc. Durham is clearly dealing with contextually qualified necessities in this section, rather than things inherently necessary.

To avoid the charge of redundancy, there are different applications of necessity. Some duties are necessary inherently, as Durham's 1st assertion clears. Some duties are contextually necessary, as in the instances mentioned in his 2nd assertion...being qualified by the context. Durham judiciously elaborates on this idea a bit further along in the chapter: "If it be indifferent, that is, in the matter thereof, such as may be done, or forborn; as eating or not eating such a meat for such a time, (for altho' no Action is indifferent when it is done, because the Circumstance of the End, Motive and manner, do determine them either to be good or bad, as they are agreeable or disagreeable to the law when they are done; yet some Acitons in themselves are such:)...."

"Nature" is often amplified as universally assuming the idea of unalterability. No doubt, it certainly carries this sense, yet not universally. "Moral" may be amplified as assuming a universal and absolute sense as well. No doubt, it certainly carries this sense, though not in every expression of moral principle (see Durham's latter qualifications; see also Rutherford's dispute concerning Scandal - found at the end of 'The Divine Right of Church Government & Excommunication' ).

Gillespie in English Popish Ceremonies:

"As for the veils wherewith the Apostle would have women covered whilst they were praying (that is, in their hearts following the public common prayer), they are worthy to be covered with shame as with a garment who allege this example for sacred significant ceremonies of human institution. This covering was a moral sign for that comely and orderly distinction of men and women which civil decency required in all their meetings; wherefore that distinction of habits which they used for decency and comliness in their common behavior and conversation, the Apostle will have them for the same decency and comliness, still to retain in their holy assemblies." - pg 254.

Note Gillespie's description of the nature of the practice; it was something used in their "common behavior and conversations." On the very next page, Gillepie identifies the sense in which he is using these terms, in reference to alterable circumstances:

"Alas! what sorry conceit is this? Divines, indeed, do rightly require that those *alterable circumstances* of divine worship which are left to the determination of the church be so *ordered and disposed* as they may be profitable to this edification. ** But this edification they speak of is no other than that which is common to all our actions and speeches** "

"Actions and speeches" are merely synonyms for "behavior and conversation."

A few questions:

Of what nature does Gillespie descibe the woman's veil?

A. He descibes it as something common to the Corinthians' behavior and conversation.

Of what nature does Gillespie define things that are common to our actions and speeches/behavior and conversation"?

A. He defines them as alterable circumstances of divine worship which are left to the determination of the church to be ordered and disposed as it may be profitable to edification.

Hence, there are two things common to our actions and speeches:

1. Things universally received; unalterable and absolutely obligatory in all contexts (see Gillespie's use of the term 'common to societies' in this former sense....in 'Wholesome severity reconciled with Christian liberty')

2. Things contextually qualified, and defined as alterable circumstances common to actions and speeches/behavior and conversation.

The latter is the context in which Gillespie is describing the woman's veil, without question.

Gillespie further defines:

"And further, the Apostle shows that it is also a natural sign, and that nature itself teaches it; therefore he urges it both by the inferiority or subjection of the woman (vs 3, 8, 9; for covering was then a sign of subjection) [here Gillespie assumes morality applied in a 'contextually qualified' sense at point-blank range - NS], and by the long hair which nature gives to a woman (vs. 25); where he would have the artificial covering to be fasioned in imitation of the natural."

In reference to natural e xpressions, we find that Gillespie applies natural significations as well to things such as Kneeling, standing, lifting the eyes and hands, etc.

"Now, besides the sacred signs of God's own institution, we know that natural signs have also a place in divine worship; thus kneeling in time of prayer signifies the submission of our hearts and minds, the lifting up of our eyes and hands signifies the elevation of our affections; the rending of the garments signified the rending of the heart by sorrow; standing with a religious suspect to that which is before us signifies veneration or reverence, sitting at table signifies familiarity and fellowship [elabaration on in what sense this is necessary as it is applied to the Lord's supper, we can perhaps discuss as well...very interesting principles in operation - NS]....All these signs have their signification from nature." - pg 248

Gillespie distinguished 3 sorts of signs before this section:

1. Natural signs

2. Customable signs

3. Voluntary signs

None of these signs assume a necessary element of unalterability and absolute moral obligation, but to the contrary, are applied to things within the section that obviously do not possess such attributes (as Gillespie has clearly shown).

E xpressions of natural principle do not necessarily assume a universal and absolute (unalterable) nature, but as in many instances, are found in habits/customs/manners/gestures that "vary, ebb, flow, and alter according to Civil Government's laws, manners, customs of men"; instances that are in no way inherently moral, nor universally received - but necessary in a contextually qualified sense (See Rutherford's comments - Divine right of church government and excommunication, pg 1-7, 89, 90...more on how some have distorted at least one of these sections of Rutherford later, if time permits).

Rending the garment is a natural sign, though not inherent, nor morally obligatory in the expression of sorrow - yet having its signification from nature, and not an unalterable e xpression, as with standing, lifting the eyes and hands, etc.

Again, "Nature" is often amplified as universally assuming the idea of unalterability. It certainly carries this sense, yet not universally. "Moral" may be amplified as assuming a universal and absolute sense as well. No doubt, it certainly carries this sense, though not in every expression of moral principle.

The woman's veil is called a moral sign. In this context, the use of the term "moral" does not assume an unalterable sense, but was as well applied to the kiss of charity by Gillespie in the very paragraph before the veils were mentioned:

"Concerning the kiss of charity used in those times (2 Cor. 13:12), we say in like manner tht it was but a moral sign of that reconciliation, friendship and amity, which showed itself as well at holy assemblies as other meetings in that kind and courtesy, but with all chaste salutation (see Durham's comments on salutations), which was then in use."

Next paragraph:

"As for the veils wherewith the Apostle would have women covered whilst they were praying (that is, in their hearts following the public common prayer), they are worthy to be covered with shame as with a garment who allege this example for sacred significant ceremonies of human institution. This covering was a moral sign for that comely and orderly distinction of men and women which civil decency required in all their meetings; wherefore that distinction of habits which they used for decency and comliness in their common behavior and coversation, the Apostle will have them for the same decency and comliness, still to retain in their holy assemblies." - pg 254.

Gillespie also applies the term "moral sign" to the love feasts used in the primitive church, which were used for mutual charity, and further evidencing the alterablility of the practice by obviously assuming they were an element of past history, in no way obligatory in the 17th century context.



Gillespie also applies the term to the rite Abraham commanded his servant to use when swearing, when putting his hand under his thigh (Gen 24:2)...calling it a moral sign of civil subjection, reverence and fidelity which inferiors owe to superiors - pg 251 EPC (compare with Rutherford's comments on the nature of the Corinthians' covering - pg 90 Divine Right of Church Government).

So, in these correctly qualified senses, the covering is both a moral sign of subjection, and has its signification from nature:

1. As an e xpression of submission (for covering was then a sign of submission).

2. As an e xpression of the long hair that God gives to women by nature (where Paul will have the artificial covering fasioned in imitation of the natural).

Those who interpret Gillespie as if he were referring to practices of an unalterable nature, have to be consistent, and interpret the other references in the same light. Context is critical, and logical consistency is inescapable. Such interpretations should, in all consistency, be evidenced in their present practice.

Seeing as these men were ministers of the highest reputation in Scotland, I can only conclude they (in their ministrations) applied the assumptions underlying their practice according to these same assumptions. In other words, the application (historical practice) was not inconsistent with their assumed principles, but the very fruition of these principles as applied in civil and ecclesiastical contexts. These books were public as well. If the contrary position was historically accurate, I can't imagine it would have gone unoticed before the General assembly of the Church of Scotland.

The Living Years

Sung by Mike and the Mechanics

The Living Years

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be OK.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

Homeland Security

Homeland Security has announced they will soon be implementing new software
which will record every click of your mouse. It is their belief that it
will operate completely transparently and that the average user will not
notice any difference in performance.

Rabbit Whisperer?

As I had mentioned in previous posts, my sons Ben and Trahern have decided to go into the rabbit breeding business. So far, their attempts at raising rabbits has been hard on the rabbits. I have never really thought that rabbits were highly intelligent creatures, Bugs Bunny notwithstanding. And so far they have done nothing to change this opinion.

I speak of the suicidal tendency of rabbits to escape their hutches in front of a couple of dogs who, wanting to please their masters, dutifully catch said rabbits and return them to us, albeit in a dead, frozen and poker stiff manner. (The dogs can't seem to understand why we do not leap with delight at seeing the rabbits piled like cordwood at our back doorstep or dismembered on the driveway.)

Last night the boys and I watched a video about Monty something or other, the original Horse Whisperer. It was a very fascinating video about how this man learned the secret body language of horses and then used that to train them to wearing saddles and accepting a rider within hours without traumatizing them. I am wondering if any of you know of a similar video on Rabbit Whispering? We are learning in a trial and error way what rabbits are trying to convey by their body language, but it would be easier on the rabbits and us if we could learn this a bit faster rather than using the trial and error method.

Case in point: The other day Trahern thoughtfully brought his black dwarf mini-lop doe (the most recent replacement for the other bunnies) into the house to hop around and deposit little raisins on my floor for Elodie to find and eat. Elodie was quite enthralled and squawked with delight as she crawled rapidly in the rabbit's wake. After a while she tired of this and found one of her rattles laying on the floor. Picking this up, she began to bang the floor with gusto. The rabbit, demonstrating a distinct lack of intelligence and instinct for survival, was foolish enough to wander into reach of Elodie, who, tiring of banging on the floor, used her rattle to deliver a few hearty whacks on the rabbit's head. The rabbit gave her an indignant and astonished look and then stamped its hind feet in what looked to be a display of extreme chagrin. Next thing we knew, Elodie flew over backwards like a ninepin before a furry black bowling ball. The rabbit took exception to the clubbing and bunted Elodie in the stomach with its head. After we dusted Elodie off and soothed her wails to silence, we found the rabbit sitting in the corner with a smug look on its face.

If I had thought about rabbits before, it was to regard them as soft furry creatures that are kind and gentle. The well-hidden truth is that they resemble the killer rabbit on Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. I had foolishly thought that the bloodthirsty rabbit in that show was merely a playful and silly sketch meant to cause laughter. Little did I know that this was actually a documentary on what rabbits can actually be like. If you want proof that the Fall affected all of creation, and not just the nature of man, then you need look no further than a female rabbit. Female rabbits are famous for their ability to breed rapidly. We have been careful to keep them away from the bucks in order to prevent that ability from being displayed right now. Instead of pregnant rabbits, we now have rabbits with PMS.

A rabbit with PMS is not a pretty sight. The owner may want to demonstrate kindness and consideration to his pet by giving it fresh water and food. But when these does start into "that time of the month" they meet these demonstrations with slavering jaws, terrifying squeals and charges across their pens looking for blood. The bucks don't seem to have this problem which leads me to conclude that the homicidal bunny in the Monty Python movie was a doe who really wanted chocolate and was enraged when she couldn't get any.

Anyhow, if any of you know of any books or videos on rabbit whispering, we would appreciate it if you would direct us to them.

GROSS!

Elodie crawled into the mudroom and ate some of the cat's litter.

I think I shall go and quietly heave in a toilet somewhere. And flagellate myself in the still watches of the night.

Quilting

I am doing my very first full-blown pieced quilt project for myself. It is a wall hanging on twelve house blocks with a strip of one inch squares in various patterned pieces beneath each row of four houses. If it turns out well, I shall probably do one for my mother's birthday and make one for my daughter Trista, to hang in her livingroom. So far it is going pretty well. I am even thinking that this is easy enough that I may introduce my daughter Hannah to the fine womanly art of quilting.

I have often wondered why very few women have produced works of art that last for centuries. I don't think women are less creative than men are. Perhaps it is because most of our artwork is of the edible or wearable variety...

Parenting Blues

Does any parent out there go to bed at night feeling like they did a good job that day? Or is it just me that makes a habit of going over the day and seeing all the places I have failed and then lamenting over whether or not these children will turn out okay?

The parents of yesteryear seemed so confident in the advice that they gave and the actions they took. Do thus and so and you should get this result. If you get something different, the fault lies with the child and their corrupt nature. Parents today are very tentative and I am one of the tentative hordes. I don't know if this is because the surrounding culture encourages us to look to experts for answers (and there are no expert parents) or because I am daily faced with the realization of what a corrupt sinner I am and I see it in corruption reflected in my children.

I love my children, but I am often left with the feeling that I haven't loved them enough or wisely.

Disarming

I find it very disarming to read the blogs and details of the homelife of people with whom I may have significant differences in theology. The little details of homelife make them more real and three dimensional and therefore someone I am less likely to let have it with both barrels. I sometimes think that one of the reasons that discussions or debates grow so heated is that it is easy to forget there are people behind the words that are written. We say things to one another that we wouldn't dream of saying in person. The subjective feelings of the recipients of our words are lost in the objectivity of our arguments.

Everybody should blog.

Unbloggable, Unsayable

I have a number of things that I would like to blog about and say, but am finding that I am becoming increasingly gun-shy about saying anything. Accountability, or at least some people's versions of it, can be an onerous thing.

On Covenants and Covenanting

All the intercourse which God holds with men is through the medium of covenant transactions. Soon after the creation of this world, it was put under a federal dispensation, of which man was the head. By this arrangement, nothing was detracted from the glory of the Creator in the exercise of his high prerogative as Legislator; but by it there was an eminent display given of his goodness. The law under which man was created, was a copy of the moral perfections of God. In the superadded form of a covenant which it received, it exhibited a transcript of his gracious character. On that dispensation, under which man was placed in innocency, there are the clearest traces of the goodness of God, as well as of his wisdom, and power, and justice, and holiness. And it was this finishing act of the six days' creation work that made it, in the highest degree, the object of Divine complacential contemplation. "And God saw everything that he had made, and behold it was very good."

Much that has been said and written in denial of the covenant of works, proceeds from evident ignorance of the nature of such a transaction. Did God, by fair implication, give to our first parents promises of good, to be fulfilled, when they should perform the condition required of them? Life was as certainly promised, as death was threatened, in the covenant of works. A penalty is necessary to law, and therefore, does not change its nature; but in the exercise of purely legislative authority, there is no place for promises or reward. "When ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say we are unprofitable servants; we have done that which was our duty to do." Luke 17:10. Those who have only what was their duty, have merited nothing. Promises on the part of God, to our first parents, exhibited him in another than a merely legislative character. It displayed his benignity in promising to reward man's obedience, and his faithfulness as pledged for the fulfillment of his engagement. The covenant of works was not a mere act of Divine authoritative will to preserve order and subordination in the world, but it was an emanation from the goodness of the Divine nature, in this way discovering itself, mediately for the good of man, and ultimately for the glory of God.

The design of the foregoing remarks, is to show that God is inclined, by his essential graciousness, to connect with his commands promises of reward, as motives to obey. An argument a priori is thus furnished for the proposition under consideration. Abundant facts confirm the same truth. In the whole history of man till the present time, and in that which remains to be filled up until time shall be no more, a single exception shall never be found to that rule of the divine administrations, by which God is exhibited as a God who makes and who keeps covenant with men. The condemnation and punishment of the wicked furnish nothing incongrous with this most interesting view of the Divine character, for they all die under the covenant of works, and suffer its direful penalty; and their sin has this aggravation, that it is committed under a dispensation of new covenant mercy, and against a Savior by whom it is administered. And, while from that very fact, the righteousness of the Divine government, in their sentence and its execution, will be most clearly displayed, there will be, in the salvation of all the redeemed, a most glorious exhibition of the gracious perfections fo the Triune God. "He hath sent redemption unto his people; he hath commended his covenant for ever; holy and reverend is his name."

2. All God's covenant transactions with men since the fall, are based on the covenant of grace. The covenant of works being broken, there was no place left under it for promises. By the violation of his engagement, man lost all claim to the Divine favor. There was before him nothing but a "fearful looking for of judgement and fiery indignation." It was perfectly clear that if promises be made again to man, it must be under an order of things entirely new, and for which the covenant of works made no provision, Infinite wisdom foresaw and provided for the exigency. Between the eternal FAther and the eternal Son a covenant was made in eternity, which contemplate the wiping away of all the dishonor done to God by the introduction of sin, and the manifestation fo the Divine perfections in restoring to the moral universe the harmony which that foreign and malignant element had disturbed. "I have made a covenant with my chosen." "God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself." The Son of God undertook, in our nature, to satisfy Divine justice, and to opent up a way through which mercy could be manifested to sinners. By his obedience to the death, he fully performed all the stipulations of the covenant, and provided for the children of men a way of access to God. "In Christ Jesus, ye who were sometimes far off, are made nigh by the blood of Christ."

[Taken from Vol. 3 no. 21, October 13, 1995 of the Original Covenanter and Contending Witness. Originally published in 1850.]

Sweet Elodie...
Is now trying desperately hard to walk. She is eight months old now and such a tiny, petite little mite, that she looks too little to accomplish such feats of daring do. However, we caught her after she had crawled up four steps on our stairs the other day. She was quite pleased with herself and chuckled until we took her off. Then the chuckles became shrieks to be put back DOWN on the stairs. She can't say a word, but despite that manages to convey her meanings quite clearly.

It is true that crawling does cause a huge spurt in learning in babies. The act of coordinating the movement on both sides of the body forces both hemispheres of the brain to work together. This, in turn, causes a quantum leap in their ability to learn stuff. And Elodie is just a shining example of this in my own biased opinion.

Biting my Nails...

Well, my paper on Energy Therapy is now in the hands of my elders, awaiting their verdict. I was told to "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." My moods alternate between both extremes of despair and wild hope. Yesterday at church, one of the men there who is studying apologetics and philosophy, and who is able to stymie all his profs with Van Tillian precision, gave me his verdict on my paper -- thumbs up! There was one little point that he had a question by, but as it wasn't something that I hold as my position, it isn't really a problem. He echoed what several others have said -- there needs to be a book written on this topic from a Reformed Christian perspective. Several others, whose opinions I respect, have also said that my thesis looks pretty good.

I spoke with my kinesionics trainer the other day and told him some of what was in my paper. He wants a copy because he has had to deal with much of the same thing. But what was really, really, really exciting and gratifying to me is that he wants me to come and teach this stuff on his next course! He also recommended that I write a book on the topic as well!

So, here I am, seriously considering the possibility of writing a Christian apologetic on the lawful use of energy therapies in healing, once I have the elders' blessing on what I have done thus far. Most of the writings from Christians that deal with the topic fall into the category of "New Age Paranoists" because many of these therapies were developed in non-Christian countries and have pantheistic ideas attached to them. But some of the methods are indeed valid, and indifferent means of healing that I believe can be utilized safely and effectively if done in the context of the correct worldview (Reformed Calvinism).

In the meantime, I am trying to be circumspect in what I actually post here so that I don't get into too much trouble. Sometimes it is hard to restrain myself...

Snapshot

A small piece of heaven came my way today. I lay on the floor mattress that Garnet uses and nursed baby Elodie while watching the wind chase the clouds across the sky through my bedroom window. It was a rare moment of peace. A rare experience of quiet contentment.

Last night Marc took all but the two youngest to see The Two Towers. I had the house to myself with the exception of 3 year old Garnet and Baby Elodie. I hated it. As much as I think I would enjoy the lack of chaos that not having the children here would bring, as soon as I have it, I hate it. The children are noisy, messy, and too exhuberant for my nerves some of the time. But it is much tougher not having them here. The house feels like an empty and lifeless shell without them.

How will I handle the future when they are grown and gone? Will they live close enough to visit me often? Will grandchildren over run me? I hope so.

I am also thankful that I still have another 18 years or so of child guiding ahead of me with Elodie. When I first fell pregnant with her, I was so bummed. I had already started to plan for a life free of diapers and potty training and no more homeschooling. But now I wonder how I ever lived life without her.

Nathanael is 16 and will be leaving in a few years. I really really like my son. He is growing into a fine young man that I am proud of. One of the most pleasant things in my life is being able to visit with him and share jokes, stories, stuff we are discovering, and just plain old companionship. I hope I won't be one of those jealous interfering mothers-in-law when and if he gets married. And I hope his future bride doesn't take me in dislike.

[Sigh] Why can't time stand still?

About Old Wives...

"...Do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."

Celeborn

How my Days Begin...

My rattlesnake awakens me,
I swat its scaly head.
My buzzard pecks my belly
Till I fling it from the bed.
My rats attack me as I rise
But scatter when I roar.
I boot my sweet tarantula
Across the stony floor.

I tickle my piranha,
Who rewards me with a bite,
Then disengage the leeches
That besiege me over night.
I flick aside the lizard
Clinging grimly to my chin,
And now I feel I'm ready
For my morning to begin.

Another day has started,
I stretch and yawn and shout,
Then rap my cudgel on my head
To shake the cobwebs out.
I scratch my chest and belly,
My neck and knobby knees,
Then knock my head against the wall
To agitate my fleas.

I snort and grunt and rearrange
Some bones upong a shelf,
Then gaze into the mirror
And commence to groom myself.
I rinse my mouth with onion juice
And dab some on my chin,
I rub my cheeks with dragon blood
To uglify my skin.

I brush my hair with gargoyle oil
That's specially refined,
Then scrub my face with weasal grease,
The extra smelly kind.
When it's apparent I've achieved
My usual appeal,
I trudge into the kitchen
To prepare my morning meal.

Oh breakfast, lovely breakfast,
You're the meal I savor most.
I sip a bit of gargoyle bile
And chew some ghoul on toast.

I linger over scrambled legs
Complete with pickeled feet,
Then finish with a piping bowl
Of steamy Scream of Wheat.

[poem by Jack Prelutsky from his book Awful Ogre's Awful Day -- some days this matches my day.]

Things that Thrill...

I went to the bookstore today to buy a book on Quantum Physics and had a hard time settling on which one to get. I finally ended up with "Quantum Reality" by Nick Herbert. And I just couldn't pass up on two other books: "The Mind of God: The Scientific Basis for a Rational World" by Paul Davies and "Why God Won't Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief" by Andrew Newberg, M.D., Eugene "Aquilli, M.D., Ph.D., and Vince Rause. These last two complement another book I am reading by Dr. Herbert Benson -- "Timeless Healing: The Power and Biology of Belief." (Unbeknowst to me, the store was having a sale of 20% off of everything in the store, with the exception of the bargain bins. Yippee! The thrill of good books on sale!) It is a fascinating study to find more evidence of our Creator at work in the very biology of how our brains work when we believe in Him. It is literally hard-wired into our brains to believe. Kind of gives one a different perspective on Romans 1:18.

And speaking of Dr. Benson, I found another book of his that I wanted on the bargain table for $5 -- "The Relaxation Response." Now here is a thought -- if our thoughts are capable of causing a stress reaction in the body of higher blood pressure, the release of norephinephrine and epinephrine, the speeding up of heart, respiration, and metabolic rates, etc., then why can't we do the opposite with our thoughts -- slow down the heart/respiration/metabolic rate and lower our blood pressure. Well it turns out that we can. But doing this is considered suspect by many Christians.

Here is something else that I ponder (and the reason why I buy books on quantum theory): Why is it that we consider it normal and not occultic when animals display forms of telepathy -- like dogs knowing when a master is returning home, or sensing when an owner wants to commit suicide and then displays signs of comforting -- yet it is occult or pyschic, or paranormal if people display these same capabilities?

Another thing that thrills me -- buying stationery. I love buying empty notebooks and paper, pens, markers, pencils, and erasers. They represent the potential of creativity and the enjoyment of learning and figuring.

I love to write longhand. Calligraphy was one thing I concentrated on when I studied art for three years under a master in high school. There is a positive pleasure in seeing letters well-formed with artistically placed scrolls and flourishes. Unfortunately, most of my work requires the speed and convenience of word processing and I can't afford the luxury of the hand written word too often. But when I do have the time, I love to indulge myself with different colored inks and a variety of styles.

How's that for a disjointed post?

Boredom?

How in the world do people manage to have nothing to do and be bored? At any given time I have about 20 or more different things I could choose from to be doing. For instance, right now I could be cleaning up my kitchen and putting away my groceries and starting supper. I could also be working on a quilt block for a newly married friend. Then there is the study and research for my paper on Energy Therapy that I am writing. Oh, and the attic library needs sorting out and organizing, my office needs painting, clothes need to be rotated due to changes in the size of children and then there are all the theology books I own and haven't read yet.

What I need is a couple of clones of myself and some parallel universes to run them in a concurrent fashion with the ability to enjoy what each one of me is doing. I am finding that this life is just too short to cram in all the things I would like to do. Like....

I really like doing housework when it is all that I have to concentrate on. Folding laundry and placing things in a neat orderly pile is very satisfying to me. I even organize the clothing in how I hang it out on the line on warm summer days. There is also something very satisfying about restoring order to a messy room and getting things back in place or making my faucets shine like a mirror. [But why is entropy so easy to achieve? Hours of work can be demolished in minutes by a rambunctious toddler!] What drives me really crazy is doing housework AND having to homeschool at the same time in order to fit everything in.

Homeschooling would be very enjoyable if that is all I had to do. Although I would rather stick pins in my eyes than teach small children to read, doing the other stuff, even rote learning of the times tables, can be a gratifying experience if I am able to just concentrate on that. But I can't do just that.

I have some artistic tendencies that don't often get satisfied due to a lack of time. I would like to express those tendencies in sewing and decorating, doing calligraphy, drawing, painting, and practicing the piano. No time!

Studies, research and writing of health, nutrition, and various forms of healing for my clinic work is another passion. It must be tucked in around the cooking/cleaning/laundry/homeschooling/family worship/grocery shopping/appointments/kid activities/and husband tending. Not enough time!

Then there are all my friends I would like to spend time with. I know so many fascinating and interesting people who have various facets to their lives that enriches my own when we connect. Alas, not the amount of time I would like to give to them either. And my family is growing with the promise of more growth in the future when more children marry and more grandchildren are born so there will be even less time for friends, although I think the friendship of my adult children and the companionship and antics of my grandchildren will compensate for this.

There are so many books to read to the children and so many things to teach and discuss with them. Where do I get the time?

I am glad I am "just a housewife" and don't lead a dull life.

Tolkein Talk

I never did do a review of The Two Towers movie, but I went and enjoyed it thoroughly. I intend to see it a second time when I take some of my kids to it. I can hardly wait til the summer or fall when the DVD is released. If they put out an extended version, that is the one I'll be buying.

We own the extended DVD version of The Fellowship of the Rings. I think I enjoyed all the behind the scenes stuff as much as I did watching the actual movie. If I were going to work on the LOTR movies, I would have wanted to work in the WETA workshop designing and making various props.

One of the things that I found most fascinating was the design and construction of the costumes. They were works of art. I tend to be very utilitarian in my view of clothing. But clothing can be very beautiful and evocative of certain values of modesty, beauty and function in an artform that we wear. We ought not to wear beautiful clothing as a form of giving ourselves airs, but we should wear it as an expression of being creatures made in the image of God.

Birthday Girl

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. Happy Birthday to Me!

My daughter Trista is coming over to make my birthday supper and my son Ben is going to make my birthday cheesecake for me. They are all excited about a gift they all chipped in to buy me.

Yesterday Marc took me out for supper at Kelly O'Brien's since they have a free meal for birthday people on their birthdays. It was a good meal, but I wasn't able to fully enjoy it like I would have liked to. I had a miserable cold and had taken something like 7 grams of Vitamin C earlier in the day in an effort to knock it out. I was feeling a bit better by suppertime, but when we finally sat down to eat, I had some sudden sharp pains. Bowel tolerance of Vitamin C and supper do not mix well together. I will spare you the details.

After the birthday meal, we went to Costco and wandered around for a bit and enjoyed some free samples of food. Marc bought me a massage table for my birthday. I need a table for my clinic work, so this is just perfect!

Academia

Yesterday I attended a free public lecture on genome research at UNBC. I strolled through the halls of learning carrying my purse and a diaper bag while my 13 yo son, Trahern, followed in my wake with Elodie. She sat part way through the lecture and then had to be taken out by Trahern so as not to disturb everyone. They spent the rest of the lecture at the Tim Horton's coffee shop making a mess with a bagel.

The lecture was interesting but I am not going to bother to describe it.

If I hadn't become a wife and mother, I could have happily spent my days in academia as either a perpetual student or a professor. There is something in the very atmosphere of schools, colleges and universities that invigorates me. So much to learn!

I took some post secondary courses through Malaspina College when I was first married, but other than that, it has been only the odd course here or there, or correspondance coursework. Most of my free time is spent in reading, researching, and writing, particularly in the field of health. It turns my crank to learn. I feel physically good when I am reading or studying. I think it causes my endorphins to surge or something.

Homeschool Mom's New Year's Resolutions

I will not be late for field trips, classes, parties, doctor's
appointments,church or any other important events . even if I have to take
the baby 'as is.'

I will limit my email to two hours a day so I can remember to feed the
children.

I will quit stealing grocery money to buy more books at the local library
sale.

I will never again commit the cardinal sin of buying Megablocks instead of
Legos.

I promise not to get mad or yell at anybody before church, even if the
children have to go with one shoe and unmatched socks.

I will quit hiding in the bathroom when the children overwhelm me.

I will quit wearing denim jumpers as soon as all those I have wear out.

I promise to mail my children's pen pal letters before I lose them.

I will start a home business to finance my book addiction. I think I'll
start with buying and selling books on eBay.

I promise myself I will lose 20 pounds before my high school reunion in
June.

I promise to read all the neat books I bought to the children before I sell
them on eBay.

I promise to put $20 every week into my Education Envelope so I don't cry in
the vendor hall at our local homeschool convention this spring.

I will go to bed on time so I can wake up before the baby, even if I have to
leave the dishes in the sink.again.

I will faithfully do whatever the Flylady(.org) says and keeps my tennis
shoes tied.

I will wash the van every week and clean it out after every trip to town.

I promise to control all conflict, including screaming, kicking, throwing
things, slamming doors, pouting, fighting, leaving, locking people in the
bathroom, and other such childish behavior, when I don't get my way.

I promise to read to the children every night and quit pretending I'm
asleep.

I promise not to usurp the answering machine's authority.

I promise not to hog the computer once my husband has come home from work
even though he only wants to play solitaire.

I promise to try to think of one positive thing to tell my husband when he
comes home from work before I unload on him the 20 things that went wrong.

I will try not to buy one more math program.

I promise to limit returned phone calls to 10 minutes each, even when it's
just the plumber.

I promise to teach my children the correct response to store clerks and bank
tellers so they don't reply, 'I don't go to school.'

I promise to quit bribing my children to be quiet by paying them money or
candy.

I promise to read all the books I own before I buy anymore.

I promise to learn to cook this year and hope the local pizza place doesn't
go out of business because of it.

I will never make New Year's Resolutions ever again.

This Week's Raspberry...

...Goes to all the Christian men who pull out the "S" word when they begin to lose a debate to a woman. It never fails to amaze me how fast the term "subjection" gets thrown around, not to mention the reminders about being gentle, humble, etc., or admonitions against being headstrong. If you try to answer them you are automatically guilty of these "sins."

It also amazes me how many men believe that all women are to submit to all men. It is clear to me that they need a good strong dose of the exposition provided in the Larger Catechism about the duties and sins of superiors, inferiors, and equals to straighten them out.

That, and maybe the chance to live under the same sort of rule that they like to impose.

And no, I am NOT talking about my husband!

New Year's...

May God grant that we would walk more closely with Him in this year ahead. May we not forget the mercies and blessings of the year that is past.

Wayne is back to blogging. Yeah!

A Christmas Sour Puss

The other day I was in a store and ran into an elderly lady that I used to know when I attended a Baptist Church. She was behind a counter passing out samples of food. We said hello and she went on to ask if I had everything ready for Christmas. I replied, "As ready as I am gonna get." Which is to say, not at all, since we don't observe this day. This is my polite way of deflecting discussion when I am in a hurry or don't want to get into a protracted discussion.

My daughter Bethany, who was with me, was a lot more forthcoming. "We don't do Christmas," she bellowed across the crowd to the lady. This brought raised eyebrows and an incredulous look. "You don't do Christmas???"

"No," I replied, sighing inwardly.

"Whyever not? You aren't a JW now, are you?"

"No, Mary, we aren't JW.s"

"So why don't you celebrate Christmas?"

"Because we believe it is a violation of the second commandment."

Mary looks puzzled. "Second commandment? Which one is that?" [Cheryl thinks to herself, "What DO they teach them in the Baptist churches?"]

"That is the commandment that tells us not to worship God in ways that He hasn't commanded."

Mary looks at me in disgust and gives the Christian equivalent of the one finger salute and then turns her back to me.

Hmmm... Nice example of the "Christmas spirit," I think.

Why Bother to Catechize?

I was going over some questions and answers to the Smaller Catechism the other day with the children and we happened to be studying one of the questions that deals with the Lord's Table. It reminded me that one of the points of catechizing was to prepare people for the Lord's Table. The job of elders is to fence the Table to keep out the scandalous AND the ignorant. Why? So that they don't eat or drink judgement unto themselves. Communion has a serious negative sanction attached to it. Catechisms were then formulated as a way of instructing people so that they would be able to discern the Lord's Body before they partake of it.

A Heroic Mother

The following came from a medical newsletter I get each week.

A MEDICAL MYSTERY AND A MOTHER’S GIFT OF LIFE

What We Discovered Changed Everything For Me And My Father…

By Marilyn Holasek Lloyd

My family understands how much Christmas means to me because I am reminded every year of the greatest gift I have ever received.

I was born in 1946 and was therefore a post-war baby boomer. I learned from my father many years later that when I was about two months old, he and my mother were watching me sleep, and my mother had said, "When Marilyn smiles at me, she repays me for everything a mother goes through." With that, she turned to my father and said, "I don’t feel well." He told her to lie down and rest, but she began foaming at the mouth and she died. For most of his life, my father felt that he perhaps could have done something that might have helped to save her. He lived with this heavy burden.

I was always told my mother died of a heart attack. And that perhaps my mother’s rheumatic fever that she had contracted in her childhood had hastened her death. But those facts never computed when I became a nurse because, for one thing, heart attack victims do not foam at the mouth.

Some medical history backtracking and conversations with medical personnel led to a series of discoveries and what we found out changed everything for me and my father: Apparently, after my mother died, the doctor said that my mother’s rheumatic fever in childhood had greatly affected her heart. And the doctor said he was so concerned about my mother while she was pregnant that he sent her to a cardiologist. My mother didn’t want to worry my father and never told him. Her doctor believed that she died from very sudden heart failure. In other words, her heart just gave out, and it couldn’t pump and she died.

I couldn’t wait to tell my father the facts, because he had to know that there wasn’t anything anyone probably could have done to save my mother. I was just so thankful my father found this out before he died.

And in the following years, I also pieced together more medical facts. My mother could have also died of a blown mitral valve. In any case, her heart was so damaged that in this day and age she would have likely needed either a valve replacement or a heart transplant.

The stunning part of the story is that she lived through the pregnancy and delivery. My husband, a doctor, always has said that the biggest strain on the heart occurs at seven months of pregnancy and at the delivery. Furthermore, my mother continued to work in the family grocery store right up to the time she went into the hospital.

After finding out the facts surrounding my mother’s death, I was never the same. I knew that my mother sacrificed herself so I could be born. She knew the risks and yet wanted a child. I have therefore felt a tremendous responsibility to live my life so that my mother’s gift would not be in vain. And I wanted children to pass her gift on to them.

As I contemplate these things at Christmas time, I am very thankful for my mother’s gift. I give thanks for her and my father everyday. And when my children were little, I glanced down on their cribs as they slept just as my parents watched me, and now I just glance up at their grown-up faces and say to myself, "They have the most beautiful smiles."

Elrond If I were a character in The Lord of the Rings, I would be Elrond, Elf, ruler of Rivendell and father of Arwen. In the movie, I am played by Hugo Weaving. Who would you be? Zovakware Lord of the Rings Test with Perseus Web Survey Software

Communion

I have made Sora's blood boil by posting the anti-paedocommunion poem by the Insane Calvinist Poppy. I am going to post some of my own reasons about why I am against it in a few days, but in the meantime, here is some stuff by Calvin and McKnight to chew over.

"We only contend for the true and legitimate constitution of the
Church, which requires not only a communion in the sacraments, which
are the signs of a Christian profession, but above all, an agreement
in doctrine (John Calvin, Institutes Bk.4, ch. 2, sec. 12).

"For everyone to be admitted to the Lord's Supper, without
distinction or selection, is a sign of contempt that the Lord cannot
endure. The Lord himself distributed the supper to his disciples
only. Therefore anyone not instructed in the doctrine of the gospel
ought not to approach what the Lord has instituted. No one should be
distressed when his Christianity is examined even down to the finest
point when he is to be admitted to the Lord's Supper. It should be
established as part of the total state and system of discipline that
ought to flourish in the church that those who are judged unworthy
should not be admitted." (John Calvin, "Letter on Various Subjects"
from Calvin's Ecclesiastical Advice).


"How often have I heard, how often have I read, some such language as
this: —"Who can forbid a child of God to come to his Father's table?
Who dare stand between the child and the Father's table?" All this
seems, I have no doubt, to those who utter it, very conclusive, and,
often to others, very devout and very charitable; yet it is in
reality very shallow and deceptive. It is, however, so often and so
confidently uttered, and is withal so plausible, that good men and
good minds are carried away. We do not always think; the
sensibilities obtain the mastery, and in very simplicity we are
deceived. The doctrine of open communion is popular, and if our sole
object were to add to our numbers, we would of course adopt it.

"To our own table we have a right to invite whom we please, but not
to a friend's. In that case we do not consult our own feelings, but
what may be agreeable to the host. When we invite to the table of the
Lord we are to be regulated by what may be acceptable to Him. This is
triumphantly met by —'We invite a child of the Lord.'

"1. Friend, how do you know this? The Lord alone searches the heart.
Open communion, at the very outset, invades God's province. We may
believe a man to be a Christian, but we do not know it, so as to make
that knowledge the ground of action in the Church. Hypocrisy is often
more flashy and imposing than humble piety. Jehu is ostentatious
of 'zeal for the Lord,' and Judas of care for the poor.

"There is no Presbyterian, who knows his own principles, who ever
thinks of making regeneration the condition of membership in the
Church. He accepts him who witnesses a good confession, sustained by
a corresponding practice, and treats him as a child of God, till by
transgression he falls from his place.

"2. If we know a man to be a child of God, it does not follow that he
is to be admitted to fellowship in the Church. Paul instructs the
Thessalonians, 'If any man obey not our word by this epistle, note
that man, and have no company with him, that he may be ashamed. Yet
count him not as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.' Here is
one whom Paul will own as a brother, and will have the Church to own,
and yet his present conduct, his refusal to submit to inspired
counsels, excludes him from fellowship. The open communionist, to be
consistent with himself, would stand up before Paul, and demand, 'How
dare you forbid God's child access to his Father's table!'

"Close communion, in excluding from fellowship in the Church and in
breaking of bread, does not deny a spiritual relationship to Christ;
but open communion, in making regeneration the condition of
fellowship, pronounces a very unwarrantable and uncharitable sentence
on such as are excluded. God's strokes are safer than man's kisses."
(William Sommerville, Reformed Presbyterians and Open Communion).

"There are those who feel that by the practice of Close Communion we
are claiming to be better than other Christians. Such a view is based
on a total misconception of the entire subject. As we have already
seen, the question of character is not at issue. Christ takes care of
that. We have nothing at all to do with this aspect of the case,
except perhaps indirectly by implication. That matter is handled in
the Supreme Court, to which reference has been made, and in no other.
As to whether those whom we exclude from the Lord's table are better
or worse at heart than we are, we have no means of forming a final
judgment. God alone knows that. As Christians they may be far
superior to us who are sitting in judgment on their public profession
and their conduct; oftentimes, no doubt, they are; at all events, let
us hope that they are never worse. But that question, as we have said
repeatedly, is not in the balance. What we have to do with is the
profession the communicant makes, and the way he lives. Christ does
His part by looking into the heart; He expects us to do ours, and He
tells us that the way to do it is by taking account of faith and
conduct. What He entrusts to our care we ought to do. We ought to do
it in the spirit of meekness and humility, but we ought to do it. For
having done, or not done, what we ought to have done, the King, when
He comes in to view His guests, will hold us responsible. The work of
the Lower Court will be reviewed in the Court of last appeal, where
the test is, and always has been, that a man 'be found faithful'
(1 Cor. 4:2)." (W.J. McKnight, Concerning Close Communion).

PS. If you read Emeth's blog, you may have already seen this.

From an Email I wrote to a friend....

There is much that we don't know and much still to discover. But I believe that we are living in the times prophecied of by Daniel when knowledge would increase. The explosion of knowledge about things in our universe is occurring at a rapid pace. I truly believe that it is God who reveals these things even to unregenerate man. "Oh the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and His ways past finding out! For who has known the mind of the LORD? Or who has become His counselor? Or who has first given to Him and it shall be repaid to him? For of Him and through Him and to Him are ALL THINGS, to whom be glory forever, Amen." Romans 11:33-36. Man can discover nothing unless God reveals it to him.

I know this-- I am finding it impossible to look into these things without becoming more and more amazed at the wonder of God. It is inconceivable to me how the LORD of the universe who orchestrates and keeps all things together (and if you want to blow your mind, think of the quantum physics implications of Col.1:15-17 "He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist."). When this first began to sink down into my soul, I realized several things: the great and awful majesty of God, the utter humility and unsearchable depths of love that would cause Him to take on human flesh and die in our stead, and how all things work together for His ultimate glory. Who is a God like ours? Is salvation of man the chief end of God? NO! But we often act like it is.

I used to fear the judgement seat of Christ where our works will be tried by fire. But I don't fear it any more. I have developed a new perspective on it. I will see all my wood, hay, and stubble burn up before the Lord. And any gold or silver that comes out will be because it was CHRIST working through me, and sanctifying what He ordained I would do (Eph.2:10). We will all declare ourselves to be unprofitable servants and gladly cast our crowns at the feet of the One who is worthy to receive all glory and honor, and power, and we will do so in awe of the mercy and love of God for such worms.

No, the chief end of God is not man's salvation. Salvation is the means to glorifying God and we will be glad to have it so! I am seeing through the glass darkly, but even these glimpses of future glory blow me away at times. It has transformed my life and worship. I am overcome by such mercy, by such love, by such sacrifice.

My Bad

I must confess that I posted that poem by an anonymous friend to see what kind of comments it would bring.

Infants and idiots

They both profane
The meaning of his table
When they take His Name in vain.
In covert of their minds
Wherein is no reflecting
Their hearts are truly blind
To the G-d they're not respecting.
How often do His children
Without a searching thought
Trample underneath their feet
The redemption He has bought?
And so, should faithful ministers
Partake of such great sin
Or should they guard the sacrament
E'en from those who are within?
A blessing there is surely there
For those who use it rightly
But those that cast aside His rule
He shall not dismiss lightly.

by Insane Calvinist Poppy

Music

The other night we watched Amadeus. Very interesting movie but rather uneven in the quality of acting. The guy who played Mozart looked and laughed like he was still acting on the Animal House set. The fellow who played Salnieri (sp?) was excellent and deserved the award he got for that movie. The actress who played Mozart's wife was atrocious. It sounded ridiculous to have a Vienniese woman speaking with very definite, almost Bronx-like accents. The music, of course, was wonderful.

Speaking of music, I found my lost tape of Poiema by Michael Card. Card remains one of my most favorite Christian artists.

Son Nathanael brought home an interesting CD from the library the other day. Guy who goes by the moniker "Moby." Some interesting sounds on it. Maybe I am not as much of a fuddy duddy as I thought.

More Dreams...

I also often dream that I am in high school again. Only my kids are with me. One of the things that typically happens in these dreams is that we are catching the school bus home and inevitably one of my kids is missing off the bus and I have to (frantically) track them down before the bus leaves.

I wonder what I would have dreamed if I had been homeschooled.

Frustration Dreams

Speaking of dreams... Anyone besides me have what I have come to call "frustration dreams?" My frustration dreams are where I am trying to look something up in a phone book, but I can never find the entry because things are not in the right order, or the name is no where to be found or some other glitch in the phone book.

I also remember, as a child, having dreams where I was trying to run away from something that was coming after me, and I couldn't move my feet, or else was moving in a painfully slow way. I don't have those dreams any more. I wonder why.

Sabotaged by my Sub-Conscious Self
They say that dreams are a way of sorting out the events of the day. I wonder what in the world to make of last night's dream. It was a fairly happy dream where I was in a strange place doing various things. But then I walked into a bathroom where I heard water running. I remember thinking, "Strange. I don't remember running a bath." There in the bathtub was three year old son, Garnet, playing in the bathwater. Behind him, under the water, was Elodie, who had drowned and was laying there with her lifeless eyes gazing ahead of her. I started crying, "God! oh God!" as I grabbed her out of the water and attempted to get her to breathe. Then I woke up.

I hate dreams like that.

Rabbits and The Fall

I am thinking of posting a "Beware of Rabbit" sign at the end of my driveway.

Three of my children now own rabbits. Two bucks and one doe. Somehow, despite the fact that they were in segregated units, and despite the fact that I had sternly warned them NOT to put them together, the doe is pregnant. Hmmm...

I was accustomed to think of rabbits as shy, meek, and voiceless creatures. No longer. I now understand the Monty Python sketch in the Holy Grail movie where they were attacked by a man-eating rabbit. The doe is positively vicious. If you put your hand any where near her, you risk losing a finger. I didn't know that rabbits could growl or that those pink eyes of theirs could hold such hatred.

Once she has her litter, great care must be taken not to disturb her lest she devour her children. Now what kind of scheme for survival is that? "Sorry son. I am feeling stressed and threatened Pass the salt, please." I often feel stressed, but have yet to develop a desire to consume my children when this happens. Shoot them, maybe. But not eat them.

Hey that reminds me of a little ditty I learned many years ago at Disney World in Florida:

Mama don't whomp little Buford
Mama don't stomp on his head
Mama don't whomp little Buford
I think we should shoot him instead.

It Ain't Fair!

It just isn't fair the way all the babies have said, "Da da da da da!" after all the time I put in with them. In all decency they should be saying, "Ma ma ma ma ma!"

I'm Fed Up...

...with the amount of time that I am tied to this stupid computer. And it doesn't appear that the load is going to lessen any time soon.

True Beauty

The most beautiful thing in the world is sound doctrine married to warm affection for God and man.

Love

Love has been on my mind a lot lately. Namely the love of God for His children. It blows my mind.

I am becoming convinced more and more that when we really and truly grasp the love of God in Christ for us, that contentment, no matter what life throws at us, will be the result. Sad and tragic providences are merely reminders that our happiness in life is not to be found in anything but Christ. They are also the means that God uses to wean us from this world and to set our affections above.

Sigh

I finished my annual "Christmass -- Bah Humbug" post ala RPW stuff on one of my lists. I am also getting the now typical response of, "Have you read Steve Schlissel's article on the topic?" Yes I have. Several times. And remained unconvinced that Rev. Schlissel has stumbled upon a new, improved one over what the Westminster Divines believed. I have reached the point with most lists I am on of just letting stuff like this go by. But since I happen to own this particular list, I feel somewhat obligated not to let the pervading Christmass spirit go unchallenged in the name of truth. And that sounds rather pretentious I am sure.

I get tired of the dissension. Tired of the schism and lack of like-mindedness that can quickly degenerates to small-mindedness and sniping. I am a postmillenialist and that means that I believe the time will come when God's glory will fill the earth and all nations will serve the Lord. But I am absolutely sure that when it happens, it will be a sovereign act of God that causes such unity. This period of disharmony in the Church is, I think, God allowing us to try and argue, compromise, tolerate, and debate our way into unity with the dismal results we see. In the end, the glory will all be the Lord's when it happens.

There's No Place Like Home, Toto

I just got back the day before yesterday from visiting friends in Alabama and Georgia.

You know something? Despite the fact that there is virtually a church on every corner in the South, it appears to me that many people have actually been inoculated against Christianity and that college football is a bigger draw than Christ. I spoke to some Christians who were willing to miss church on Sunday because they had been up late the night before at a football game and post game party. They were part of a very large group of people who do this. Of course, I didn't meet everyone in Alabama, so maybe I am being unfair.

Some other observations -- it doesn't appear that 9/11 did much to humble Americans and cause them to repent. There was a definite arrogant and swaggering tone to the newscasts that dealt with an impending war with Iraq. Some people whom I questioned about this responded, "We trust President Bush." I'm with Frank on this one (I think) -- war with Iraq would be nothing less than corporate murder by the US.

I was totally shocked at the food prices! In Canada, I can buy a fresh bunch of radishes for 39 cents CANADIAN. The same bunch cost 99 cents in the US! A single lemon was 99 cents compared to the 32 cents I pay. How in the world do you folks manage to feed your families? And without gardens no less! Those in Alabama could easily grow food year round but I didn't see anyone doing any significant gardening, at least not in Montgomery. Most of our fresh produce in the winter comes from California, so when you factor in transport, and exchange rate, I am really and truly puzzled why you folks have to pay so much when you are so close to the source of the food.

On a more positive note -- southern hospitality is not an empty phrase. Everywhere I went I was greeted with smiles and friendliness, from complete strangers. One fast food joint I went into, the staff kept smiling at me, even after I had made my purchase and was moving away from them. And when I looked back, they smiled again when I caught their eye.

I also found the brick homes and buildings to be very charming and comfortable looking. The little subdivisions of brick homes were so attractive, especially when compared to what we have in our subdivisions in Canada. Canadians just don't have the knack of building attractive and cute homes like the Americans do.

Overall, I had a wonderful time while there, but there is no place like home, Toto.

Fashionable Mama

On Monday, Elodie and I fly down to Alabama, leaving dh in charge of the household of 9 children. I am both looking forward to and dreading this. Will Garnet be okay with mama gone? Will the house be standing when I return? Will Marc have any hair left?

One consideration when travelling is finding something suitable to wear on the airplane. I have settled on nylon track pants. The kind that cost about $70 on sale. The kind I found BRAND SPANKING NEW at a second hand shop in my size for only $7! Yipee! I even found a jacket to match. On top I am Adidas, and on the bottom a Nike swhoosh and a white t shirt underneath. Reason for this ensemble? You need something that baby barf wipes off easily.

YIKES!

I did the grocery shopping today and didn't buy anything extravagant. Just basic foodstuff like meat and veggies. I can't even bring myself to type what the total was when I added all the bills together. And I will count myself blessed if we manage to make it all the way through to next week without having to buy anything additional.It is a hard job to feed a family stuff you know is good for them without resorting to cheaper but destructive foods like pasta and lots of bread.

After I figured out how bad the damage was, I sat all the children down and told them the figure for what it cost us this week to feed them. I impressed upon them that because of the cost of feeding them, the least they could do for their father and I was to cooperate with us in not wasting the food, and to not grumble over chores or do them sloppily. I guess it is too much to expect children to feel gratitude towards their parents for feeding and housing them while they are growing up, but I think it is a good thing to try and instill in them for what they receive and so often take for granted.

Everybody's Doing It, So...

...I will too. Googlisms, that is.

Some of my favorites:

cheryl is new mtv babe [huh?]
cheryl is a wife [got that one right]
cheryl is one of the few people that can take a disaster and turn it into a funny song [well, maybe a story]
cheryl is wonderful [very true]
cheryl is currently completing her phd in natural health [don't I wish!]
cheryl is a favorite with audiences who rave [this is hopeful thinking about the seminar I am doing in a week]
cheryl is now back in action at a new local stable [as the Brood Woman]
cheryl is his only hope and love that keeps him going [I better be!]
cheryl is 36 [heheheheh]
cheryl is as comfortable performing in a small intimate setting as she is outdoors or in large concert halls
cheryl is an artist of great talent and
cheryl is also a compassionate and powerful healer [all very true. Trust me.]
cheryl is all natural and intends to stay that way
cheryl is a very sharp and accomplished crown prosecutor [according to my children]
cheryl is a bodyguard whose latest assignment becomes a death trap when she crosses paths with a deadly hit man known only as the owl [it's tough being a parent to some of these kids]
cheryl is 51 [no I am NOT!]
cheryl is cute [but of course, dahling!]

Better than Chocolate...

...but just as addictive, is my baby Elodie. [croon it as you say it.]

Any mothers reading this will know what I mean when I say I get an endorphin rush when she comes into view. And better yet, she is non-caloric and doesn't mess with my bloodsugar levels!

Going for another rush...

Proverbs, Assurance of Salvation and Progress in Sanctification

There are some interesting things happening in me. Things that I know are not of me, but rather, are evidence of the Holy Spirit's work in my life.

Last night for family worship, the children and I listened to a tape from Dr. Bahnsen on Proverbs 3:11,12: "My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD. Nor detest his correction; for whom the LORD loves he corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights." I realized as I listened to the sermon that I am truly grateful for the trials that I was brought through in the past three years. It was as though God was spanking me and telling me, "Okay Cheryl, time to grow up."

Here is some of the peaceable fruit of righteousness that has been wrought in me as a result: I used to struggle all the time with assurance of salvation. But I KNOW that I am Christ's now! I could kiss the rod that has been the means of my correction. I love fellowshipping with the saints. God's Word is precious to me. Some of this use to be doubtful, but no more. I also believe the promises of God more fully. This makes me pray with confidence. Last night after we listened to the sermon, I closed in prayer, full of confidence that God would use the means and make them effectual in the life of my children and family. My faith is not so much in the promises, but in seeing beyond them to the Promiser. The promises of God are becoming as real to me as my hands.

Is this something that Cheryl can take the glory for? No way! I know what I am. I know what I am capable of -- nothing, or nothing good. This is all of God and this unprofitable servant gives Him all the glory.

Progress

Today I did something that I never thought I would ever be able to do -- I walked boldly into the den of lions known as the Ministry for Children and the Family -- in other words, SOCIAL WORKERS. I had to take Cole, the young runaway, in to see a social worker so she could ascertain where he is at.

Time was when I would have cringed at the thought of being any where near a social worker's office. When the social workers showed up on my doorstep three years ago to investigate our family for abuse, it was my worst nightmare come true. One hears of terrible tales of children wrenched from the arms of their parents, not to be returned until they had undergone considerable damage from foster homes. But the trial that we underwent three years ago did something for me that I never thought would happen. It gave me confidence and trust in God. I saw the faithfulness of God in action in my life and that of my family and now I can look back and give God thanks for that experience.

And so, I walked into that office with nary a thought of fear or trembling because I KNOW God can take care of me and mine.

Irritating

Some days I really enjoy reading the blogs of the younger set and other days I find it downright irritating. Today is one of those irritating days. What really bugs me is the pretension that young people bring to doctrine -- like they figured it all out and us old duffers are just going through the non-motions of a dead orthodoxy.

But...[sigh] I used to be like that too.

Real Mother

I can't think of anything sweeter or more satisfying to this mother's heart than seeing my baby asleep in my arms, drunk on milk I provided. Unless, of course, it is seeing the way her eyes light up when she sees me coming, as though the sun and moon rise and set by me.