The Living Years

Sung by Mike and the Mechanics

The Living Years

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be OK.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

Homeland Security

Homeland Security has announced they will soon be implementing new software
which will record every click of your mouse. It is their belief that it
will operate completely transparently and that the average user will not
notice any difference in performance.

Rabbit Whisperer?

As I had mentioned in previous posts, my sons Ben and Trahern have decided to go into the rabbit breeding business. So far, their attempts at raising rabbits has been hard on the rabbits. I have never really thought that rabbits were highly intelligent creatures, Bugs Bunny notwithstanding. And so far they have done nothing to change this opinion.

I speak of the suicidal tendency of rabbits to escape their hutches in front of a couple of dogs who, wanting to please their masters, dutifully catch said rabbits and return them to us, albeit in a dead, frozen and poker stiff manner. (The dogs can't seem to understand why we do not leap with delight at seeing the rabbits piled like cordwood at our back doorstep or dismembered on the driveway.)

Last night the boys and I watched a video about Monty something or other, the original Horse Whisperer. It was a very fascinating video about how this man learned the secret body language of horses and then used that to train them to wearing saddles and accepting a rider within hours without traumatizing them. I am wondering if any of you know of a similar video on Rabbit Whispering? We are learning in a trial and error way what rabbits are trying to convey by their body language, but it would be easier on the rabbits and us if we could learn this a bit faster rather than using the trial and error method.

Case in point: The other day Trahern thoughtfully brought his black dwarf mini-lop doe (the most recent replacement for the other bunnies) into the house to hop around and deposit little raisins on my floor for Elodie to find and eat. Elodie was quite enthralled and squawked with delight as she crawled rapidly in the rabbit's wake. After a while she tired of this and found one of her rattles laying on the floor. Picking this up, she began to bang the floor with gusto. The rabbit, demonstrating a distinct lack of intelligence and instinct for survival, was foolish enough to wander into reach of Elodie, who, tiring of banging on the floor, used her rattle to deliver a few hearty whacks on the rabbit's head. The rabbit gave her an indignant and astonished look and then stamped its hind feet in what looked to be a display of extreme chagrin. Next thing we knew, Elodie flew over backwards like a ninepin before a furry black bowling ball. The rabbit took exception to the clubbing and bunted Elodie in the stomach with its head. After we dusted Elodie off and soothed her wails to silence, we found the rabbit sitting in the corner with a smug look on its face.

If I had thought about rabbits before, it was to regard them as soft furry creatures that are kind and gentle. The well-hidden truth is that they resemble the killer rabbit on Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail. I had foolishly thought that the bloodthirsty rabbit in that show was merely a playful and silly sketch meant to cause laughter. Little did I know that this was actually a documentary on what rabbits can actually be like. If you want proof that the Fall affected all of creation, and not just the nature of man, then you need look no further than a female rabbit. Female rabbits are famous for their ability to breed rapidly. We have been careful to keep them away from the bucks in order to prevent that ability from being displayed right now. Instead of pregnant rabbits, we now have rabbits with PMS.

A rabbit with PMS is not a pretty sight. The owner may want to demonstrate kindness and consideration to his pet by giving it fresh water and food. But when these does start into "that time of the month" they meet these demonstrations with slavering jaws, terrifying squeals and charges across their pens looking for blood. The bucks don't seem to have this problem which leads me to conclude that the homicidal bunny in the Monty Python movie was a doe who really wanted chocolate and was enraged when she couldn't get any.

Anyhow, if any of you know of any books or videos on rabbit whispering, we would appreciate it if you would direct us to them.

GROSS!

Elodie crawled into the mudroom and ate some of the cat's litter.

I think I shall go and quietly heave in a toilet somewhere. And flagellate myself in the still watches of the night.

Quilting

I am doing my very first full-blown pieced quilt project for myself. It is a wall hanging on twelve house blocks with a strip of one inch squares in various patterned pieces beneath each row of four houses. If it turns out well, I shall probably do one for my mother's birthday and make one for my daughter Trista, to hang in her livingroom. So far it is going pretty well. I am even thinking that this is easy enough that I may introduce my daughter Hannah to the fine womanly art of quilting.

I have often wondered why very few women have produced works of art that last for centuries. I don't think women are less creative than men are. Perhaps it is because most of our artwork is of the edible or wearable variety...

Parenting Blues

Does any parent out there go to bed at night feeling like they did a good job that day? Or is it just me that makes a habit of going over the day and seeing all the places I have failed and then lamenting over whether or not these children will turn out okay?

The parents of yesteryear seemed so confident in the advice that they gave and the actions they took. Do thus and so and you should get this result. If you get something different, the fault lies with the child and their corrupt nature. Parents today are very tentative and I am one of the tentative hordes. I don't know if this is because the surrounding culture encourages us to look to experts for answers (and there are no expert parents) or because I am daily faced with the realization of what a corrupt sinner I am and I see it in corruption reflected in my children.

I love my children, but I am often left with the feeling that I haven't loved them enough or wisely.

Disarming

I find it very disarming to read the blogs and details of the homelife of people with whom I may have significant differences in theology. The little details of homelife make them more real and three dimensional and therefore someone I am less likely to let have it with both barrels. I sometimes think that one of the reasons that discussions or debates grow so heated is that it is easy to forget there are people behind the words that are written. We say things to one another that we wouldn't dream of saying in person. The subjective feelings of the recipients of our words are lost in the objectivity of our arguments.

Everybody should blog.

Unbloggable, Unsayable

I have a number of things that I would like to blog about and say, but am finding that I am becoming increasingly gun-shy about saying anything. Accountability, or at least some people's versions of it, can be an onerous thing.

On Covenants and Covenanting

All the intercourse which God holds with men is through the medium of covenant transactions. Soon after the creation of this world, it was put under a federal dispensation, of which man was the head. By this arrangement, nothing was detracted from the glory of the Creator in the exercise of his high prerogative as Legislator; but by it there was an eminent display given of his goodness. The law under which man was created, was a copy of the moral perfections of God. In the superadded form of a covenant which it received, it exhibited a transcript of his gracious character. On that dispensation, under which man was placed in innocency, there are the clearest traces of the goodness of God, as well as of his wisdom, and power, and justice, and holiness. And it was this finishing act of the six days' creation work that made it, in the highest degree, the object of Divine complacential contemplation. "And God saw everything that he had made, and behold it was very good."

Much that has been said and written in denial of the covenant of works, proceeds from evident ignorance of the nature of such a transaction. Did God, by fair implication, give to our first parents promises of good, to be fulfilled, when they should perform the condition required of them? Life was as certainly promised, as death was threatened, in the covenant of works. A penalty is necessary to law, and therefore, does not change its nature; but in the exercise of purely legislative authority, there is no place for promises or reward. "When ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say we are unprofitable servants; we have done that which was our duty to do." Luke 17:10. Those who have only what was their duty, have merited nothing. Promises on the part of God, to our first parents, exhibited him in another than a merely legislative character. It displayed his benignity in promising to reward man's obedience, and his faithfulness as pledged for the fulfillment of his engagement. The covenant of works was not a mere act of Divine authoritative will to preserve order and subordination in the world, but it was an emanation from the goodness of the Divine nature, in this way discovering itself, mediately for the good of man, and ultimately for the glory of God.

The design of the foregoing remarks, is to show that God is inclined, by his essential graciousness, to connect with his commands promises of reward, as motives to obey. An argument a priori is thus furnished for the proposition under consideration. Abundant facts confirm the same truth. In the whole history of man till the present time, and in that which remains to be filled up until time shall be no more, a single exception shall never be found to that rule of the divine administrations, by which God is exhibited as a God who makes and who keeps covenant with men. The condemnation and punishment of the wicked furnish nothing incongrous with this most interesting view of the Divine character, for they all die under the covenant of works, and suffer its direful penalty; and their sin has this aggravation, that it is committed under a dispensation of new covenant mercy, and against a Savior by whom it is administered. And, while from that very fact, the righteousness of the Divine government, in their sentence and its execution, will be most clearly displayed, there will be, in the salvation of all the redeemed, a most glorious exhibition of the gracious perfections fo the Triune God. "He hath sent redemption unto his people; he hath commended his covenant for ever; holy and reverend is his name."

2. All God's covenant transactions with men since the fall, are based on the covenant of grace. The covenant of works being broken, there was no place left under it for promises. By the violation of his engagement, man lost all claim to the Divine favor. There was before him nothing but a "fearful looking for of judgement and fiery indignation." It was perfectly clear that if promises be made again to man, it must be under an order of things entirely new, and for which the covenant of works made no provision, Infinite wisdom foresaw and provided for the exigency. Between the eternal FAther and the eternal Son a covenant was made in eternity, which contemplate the wiping away of all the dishonor done to God by the introduction of sin, and the manifestation fo the Divine perfections in restoring to the moral universe the harmony which that foreign and malignant element had disturbed. "I have made a covenant with my chosen." "God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself." The Son of God undertook, in our nature, to satisfy Divine justice, and to opent up a way through which mercy could be manifested to sinners. By his obedience to the death, he fully performed all the stipulations of the covenant, and provided for the children of men a way of access to God. "In Christ Jesus, ye who were sometimes far off, are made nigh by the blood of Christ."

[Taken from Vol. 3 no. 21, October 13, 1995 of the Original Covenanter and Contending Witness. Originally published in 1850.]

Sweet Elodie...
Is now trying desperately hard to walk. She is eight months old now and such a tiny, petite little mite, that she looks too little to accomplish such feats of daring do. However, we caught her after she had crawled up four steps on our stairs the other day. She was quite pleased with herself and chuckled until we took her off. Then the chuckles became shrieks to be put back DOWN on the stairs. She can't say a word, but despite that manages to convey her meanings quite clearly.

It is true that crawling does cause a huge spurt in learning in babies. The act of coordinating the movement on both sides of the body forces both hemispheres of the brain to work together. This, in turn, causes a quantum leap in their ability to learn stuff. And Elodie is just a shining example of this in my own biased opinion.

Biting my Nails...

Well, my paper on Energy Therapy is now in the hands of my elders, awaiting their verdict. I was told to "hope for the best, but prepare for the worst." My moods alternate between both extremes of despair and wild hope. Yesterday at church, one of the men there who is studying apologetics and philosophy, and who is able to stymie all his profs with Van Tillian precision, gave me his verdict on my paper -- thumbs up! There was one little point that he had a question by, but as it wasn't something that I hold as my position, it isn't really a problem. He echoed what several others have said -- there needs to be a book written on this topic from a Reformed Christian perspective. Several others, whose opinions I respect, have also said that my thesis looks pretty good.

I spoke with my kinesionics trainer the other day and told him some of what was in my paper. He wants a copy because he has had to deal with much of the same thing. But what was really, really, really exciting and gratifying to me is that he wants me to come and teach this stuff on his next course! He also recommended that I write a book on the topic as well!

So, here I am, seriously considering the possibility of writing a Christian apologetic on the lawful use of energy therapies in healing, once I have the elders' blessing on what I have done thus far. Most of the writings from Christians that deal with the topic fall into the category of "New Age Paranoists" because many of these therapies were developed in non-Christian countries and have pantheistic ideas attached to them. But some of the methods are indeed valid, and indifferent means of healing that I believe can be utilized safely and effectively if done in the context of the correct worldview (Reformed Calvinism).

In the meantime, I am trying to be circumspect in what I actually post here so that I don't get into too much trouble. Sometimes it is hard to restrain myself...

Snapshot

A small piece of heaven came my way today. I lay on the floor mattress that Garnet uses and nursed baby Elodie while watching the wind chase the clouds across the sky through my bedroom window. It was a rare moment of peace. A rare experience of quiet contentment.

Last night Marc took all but the two youngest to see The Two Towers. I had the house to myself with the exception of 3 year old Garnet and Baby Elodie. I hated it. As much as I think I would enjoy the lack of chaos that not having the children here would bring, as soon as I have it, I hate it. The children are noisy, messy, and too exhuberant for my nerves some of the time. But it is much tougher not having them here. The house feels like an empty and lifeless shell without them.

How will I handle the future when they are grown and gone? Will they live close enough to visit me often? Will grandchildren over run me? I hope so.

I am also thankful that I still have another 18 years or so of child guiding ahead of me with Elodie. When I first fell pregnant with her, I was so bummed. I had already started to plan for a life free of diapers and potty training and no more homeschooling. But now I wonder how I ever lived life without her.

Nathanael is 16 and will be leaving in a few years. I really really like my son. He is growing into a fine young man that I am proud of. One of the most pleasant things in my life is being able to visit with him and share jokes, stories, stuff we are discovering, and just plain old companionship. I hope I won't be one of those jealous interfering mothers-in-law when and if he gets married. And I hope his future bride doesn't take me in dislike.

[Sigh] Why can't time stand still?

About Old Wives...

"...Do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."

Celeborn

How my Days Begin...

My rattlesnake awakens me,
I swat its scaly head.
My buzzard pecks my belly
Till I fling it from the bed.
My rats attack me as I rise
But scatter when I roar.
I boot my sweet tarantula
Across the stony floor.

I tickle my piranha,
Who rewards me with a bite,
Then disengage the leeches
That besiege me over night.
I flick aside the lizard
Clinging grimly to my chin,
And now I feel I'm ready
For my morning to begin.

Another day has started,
I stretch and yawn and shout,
Then rap my cudgel on my head
To shake the cobwebs out.
I scratch my chest and belly,
My neck and knobby knees,
Then knock my head against the wall
To agitate my fleas.

I snort and grunt and rearrange
Some bones upong a shelf,
Then gaze into the mirror
And commence to groom myself.
I rinse my mouth with onion juice
And dab some on my chin,
I rub my cheeks with dragon blood
To uglify my skin.

I brush my hair with gargoyle oil
That's specially refined,
Then scrub my face with weasal grease,
The extra smelly kind.
When it's apparent I've achieved
My usual appeal,
I trudge into the kitchen
To prepare my morning meal.

Oh breakfast, lovely breakfast,
You're the meal I savor most.
I sip a bit of gargoyle bile
And chew some ghoul on toast.

I linger over scrambled legs
Complete with pickeled feet,
Then finish with a piping bowl
Of steamy Scream of Wheat.

[poem by Jack Prelutsky from his book Awful Ogre's Awful Day -- some days this matches my day.]

Things that Thrill...

I went to the bookstore today to buy a book on Quantum Physics and had a hard time settling on which one to get. I finally ended up with "Quantum Reality" by Nick Herbert. And I just couldn't pass up on two other books: "The Mind of God: The Scientific Basis for a Rational World" by Paul Davies and "Why God Won't Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief" by Andrew Newberg, M.D., Eugene "Aquilli, M.D., Ph.D., and Vince Rause. These last two complement another book I am reading by Dr. Herbert Benson -- "Timeless Healing: The Power and Biology of Belief." (Unbeknowst to me, the store was having a sale of 20% off of everything in the store, with the exception of the bargain bins. Yippee! The thrill of good books on sale!) It is a fascinating study to find more evidence of our Creator at work in the very biology of how our brains work when we believe in Him. It is literally hard-wired into our brains to believe. Kind of gives one a different perspective on Romans 1:18.

And speaking of Dr. Benson, I found another book of his that I wanted on the bargain table for $5 -- "The Relaxation Response." Now here is a thought -- if our thoughts are capable of causing a stress reaction in the body of higher blood pressure, the release of norephinephrine and epinephrine, the speeding up of heart, respiration, and metabolic rates, etc., then why can't we do the opposite with our thoughts -- slow down the heart/respiration/metabolic rate and lower our blood pressure. Well it turns out that we can. But doing this is considered suspect by many Christians.

Here is something else that I ponder (and the reason why I buy books on quantum theory): Why is it that we consider it normal and not occultic when animals display forms of telepathy -- like dogs knowing when a master is returning home, or sensing when an owner wants to commit suicide and then displays signs of comforting -- yet it is occult or pyschic, or paranormal if people display these same capabilities?

Another thing that thrills me -- buying stationery. I love buying empty notebooks and paper, pens, markers, pencils, and erasers. They represent the potential of creativity and the enjoyment of learning and figuring.

I love to write longhand. Calligraphy was one thing I concentrated on when I studied art for three years under a master in high school. There is a positive pleasure in seeing letters well-formed with artistically placed scrolls and flourishes. Unfortunately, most of my work requires the speed and convenience of word processing and I can't afford the luxury of the hand written word too often. But when I do have the time, I love to indulge myself with different colored inks and a variety of styles.

How's that for a disjointed post?

Boredom?

How in the world do people manage to have nothing to do and be bored? At any given time I have about 20 or more different things I could choose from to be doing. For instance, right now I could be cleaning up my kitchen and putting away my groceries and starting supper. I could also be working on a quilt block for a newly married friend. Then there is the study and research for my paper on Energy Therapy that I am writing. Oh, and the attic library needs sorting out and organizing, my office needs painting, clothes need to be rotated due to changes in the size of children and then there are all the theology books I own and haven't read yet.

What I need is a couple of clones of myself and some parallel universes to run them in a concurrent fashion with the ability to enjoy what each one of me is doing. I am finding that this life is just too short to cram in all the things I would like to do. Like....

I really like doing housework when it is all that I have to concentrate on. Folding laundry and placing things in a neat orderly pile is very satisfying to me. I even organize the clothing in how I hang it out on the line on warm summer days. There is also something very satisfying about restoring order to a messy room and getting things back in place or making my faucets shine like a mirror. [But why is entropy so easy to achieve? Hours of work can be demolished in minutes by a rambunctious toddler!] What drives me really crazy is doing housework AND having to homeschool at the same time in order to fit everything in.

Homeschooling would be very enjoyable if that is all I had to do. Although I would rather stick pins in my eyes than teach small children to read, doing the other stuff, even rote learning of the times tables, can be a gratifying experience if I am able to just concentrate on that. But I can't do just that.

I have some artistic tendencies that don't often get satisfied due to a lack of time. I would like to express those tendencies in sewing and decorating, doing calligraphy, drawing, painting, and practicing the piano. No time!

Studies, research and writing of health, nutrition, and various forms of healing for my clinic work is another passion. It must be tucked in around the cooking/cleaning/laundry/homeschooling/family worship/grocery shopping/appointments/kid activities/and husband tending. Not enough time!

Then there are all my friends I would like to spend time with. I know so many fascinating and interesting people who have various facets to their lives that enriches my own when we connect. Alas, not the amount of time I would like to give to them either. And my family is growing with the promise of more growth in the future when more children marry and more grandchildren are born so there will be even less time for friends, although I think the friendship of my adult children and the companionship and antics of my grandchildren will compensate for this.

There are so many books to read to the children and so many things to teach and discuss with them. Where do I get the time?

I am glad I am "just a housewife" and don't lead a dull life.

Tolkein Talk

I never did do a review of The Two Towers movie, but I went and enjoyed it thoroughly. I intend to see it a second time when I take some of my kids to it. I can hardly wait til the summer or fall when the DVD is released. If they put out an extended version, that is the one I'll be buying.

We own the extended DVD version of The Fellowship of the Rings. I think I enjoyed all the behind the scenes stuff as much as I did watching the actual movie. If I were going to work on the LOTR movies, I would have wanted to work in the WETA workshop designing and making various props.

One of the things that I found most fascinating was the design and construction of the costumes. They were works of art. I tend to be very utilitarian in my view of clothing. But clothing can be very beautiful and evocative of certain values of modesty, beauty and function in an artform that we wear. We ought not to wear beautiful clothing as a form of giving ourselves airs, but we should wear it as an expression of being creatures made in the image of God.

Birthday Girl

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. Happy Birthday to Me!

My daughter Trista is coming over to make my birthday supper and my son Ben is going to make my birthday cheesecake for me. They are all excited about a gift they all chipped in to buy me.

Yesterday Marc took me out for supper at Kelly O'Brien's since they have a free meal for birthday people on their birthdays. It was a good meal, but I wasn't able to fully enjoy it like I would have liked to. I had a miserable cold and had taken something like 7 grams of Vitamin C earlier in the day in an effort to knock it out. I was feeling a bit better by suppertime, but when we finally sat down to eat, I had some sudden sharp pains. Bowel tolerance of Vitamin C and supper do not mix well together. I will spare you the details.

After the birthday meal, we went to Costco and wandered around for a bit and enjoyed some free samples of food. Marc bought me a massage table for my birthday. I need a table for my clinic work, so this is just perfect!

Academia

Yesterday I attended a free public lecture on genome research at UNBC. I strolled through the halls of learning carrying my purse and a diaper bag while my 13 yo son, Trahern, followed in my wake with Elodie. She sat part way through the lecture and then had to be taken out by Trahern so as not to disturb everyone. They spent the rest of the lecture at the Tim Horton's coffee shop making a mess with a bagel.

The lecture was interesting but I am not going to bother to describe it.

If I hadn't become a wife and mother, I could have happily spent my days in academia as either a perpetual student or a professor. There is something in the very atmosphere of schools, colleges and universities that invigorates me. So much to learn!

I took some post secondary courses through Malaspina College when I was first married, but other than that, it has been only the odd course here or there, or correspondance coursework. Most of my free time is spent in reading, researching, and writing, particularly in the field of health. It turns my crank to learn. I feel physically good when I am reading or studying. I think it causes my endorphins to surge or something.

Homeschool Mom's New Year's Resolutions

I will not be late for field trips, classes, parties, doctor's
appointments,church or any other important events . even if I have to take
the baby 'as is.'

I will limit my email to two hours a day so I can remember to feed the
children.

I will quit stealing grocery money to buy more books at the local library
sale.

I will never again commit the cardinal sin of buying Megablocks instead of
Legos.

I promise not to get mad or yell at anybody before church, even if the
children have to go with one shoe and unmatched socks.

I will quit hiding in the bathroom when the children overwhelm me.

I will quit wearing denim jumpers as soon as all those I have wear out.

I promise to mail my children's pen pal letters before I lose them.

I will start a home business to finance my book addiction. I think I'll
start with buying and selling books on eBay.

I promise myself I will lose 20 pounds before my high school reunion in
June.

I promise to read all the neat books I bought to the children before I sell
them on eBay.

I promise to put $20 every week into my Education Envelope so I don't cry in
the vendor hall at our local homeschool convention this spring.

I will go to bed on time so I can wake up before the baby, even if I have to
leave the dishes in the sink.again.

I will faithfully do whatever the Flylady(.org) says and keeps my tennis
shoes tied.

I will wash the van every week and clean it out after every trip to town.

I promise to control all conflict, including screaming, kicking, throwing
things, slamming doors, pouting, fighting, leaving, locking people in the
bathroom, and other such childish behavior, when I don't get my way.

I promise to read to the children every night and quit pretending I'm
asleep.

I promise not to usurp the answering machine's authority.

I promise not to hog the computer once my husband has come home from work
even though he only wants to play solitaire.

I promise to try to think of one positive thing to tell my husband when he
comes home from work before I unload on him the 20 things that went wrong.

I will try not to buy one more math program.

I promise to limit returned phone calls to 10 minutes each, even when it's
just the plumber.

I promise to teach my children the correct response to store clerks and bank
tellers so they don't reply, 'I don't go to school.'

I promise to quit bribing my children to be quiet by paying them money or
candy.

I promise to read all the books I own before I buy anymore.

I promise to learn to cook this year and hope the local pizza place doesn't
go out of business because of it.

I will never make New Year's Resolutions ever again.