Your [Wo]Man

by SmashMouth (with apologies for some minor editing)

I don't know why I'm with you
The only right thing I do is get along with you
And days go bye-bye for you but they fly by for me
It's true
I talked to you late last night
You said it wasn't all right but it would be all right
And when you sleep by yourself
You're not alone I'm with you

But you weren't listening when I told you everything
That you need I ain't got
You should be gone by now but you're not

I play guitar all night long
And I know hundreds of songs and I'll just play them all
And even when I get home somehow you're still alone
It's true
I don't know why you're with me
The only reason I see some sort of fetish thing
Some people like to be pleased and
Some like to be teased
Which are you?

I tried to warn you but you said just play dead
As long as we stay
True

But you weren't listening when I told you everything
That you need I ain't got
You should be gone by now but you're not
But you're not

Did your head not receive the shape of everything
That you are and I am?
I should be happy as your [wo]man
You know that I'm not

I play guitar all night long
And I know hundreds of songs and I'll just play them all
And when you sleep by yourself
You're not alone I'm with you
As long as we stay true


--You weren't listening when I told you everything
That you need I ain't got
You should be gone by now but you're not

But you're not

Face to Face
by Josh White of Telecast

Minutes dissolve as I fight this fall
I'm learning to crawl, trembling I call
Restrain my heart, replace it with You
Jesus, I'll deny myself. I will follow You

There will be a day
When all will fade away
And all that will remain
Is loving you face to face
Jesus, I pray
That You would come today
Faith will be replaced
With loving You face to face

You are the Gate
Which I entered in
You are the Path
Which I'm following
You are the Light
That carries me through
You are the Guide
That's leading me back to You.

There will be a day
When all will fade away
And all that will remain
Is loving You face to face
Jesus, I pray
That you would come today
Faith will be replaced
With loving you face to face.

Saturate
By Josh White of Telecast

Dwelling on days gone by
All of this wasted time
Why do I want just to talk with You?

Burn away all the lies inside
Remind me where You reside, this time
I will remain in You

I won’t be satisfied
Until I’ve laid my eyes on You
I will abide in You
I won’t be satisfied Until You’re all that comes through
Until I’m saturated in You.

Feelings come and feelings go
Don’t care, just want to know
You more and more every moment

There are days that are dark, and I’m scared
Days I just fall apart, but You’re there
I will remain in You

And I will hold to You
In a world that’s so confused
Jesus, I love you
Saturate me with You.

Too Little, Too Late

How ironic. I wrote the words to this song that my son composed music for and I wrote it in response to what was happening in a friend's marriage. I never thought I would look back at it and see that it fit my life as well. All except for the bit about hate. I don't hate. I just feel indifferent.

The signs have been there
They’ve been there so long
The seeds you sowed so long ago
Have grown up too strong
The harvest now is bitter
As you reap what you have sown
Still waters run deep
And now you are alone

Your tears drop down your face like rain
As love slowly turns to hate
Repentance comes but now you fear
It’s too little, too late.

You thought the rules would bend for you
Well they bent until they broke
Neglect of duties and of joys
Made faith a perfect joke
Hypocrisy unseen by you
Made hearts as soft as stone
Still waters brought a deep divide
And now you are alone


Your children the unwilling victims
Of your "noble" sacrifice
To what you thought was the higher
And greater purpose of your life.
Seeds of missed opportunities
Were watered by their tears
And now you wish to go back in time
To uproot all the lost years.

Your tears drop down your face like rain
As love slowly turned to hate
Repentance comes but now you find
It’s too little, too late.

Waiting for the World to Fall
by Jars of Clay from the Chronicles of Narnia Soundtrack

I'm afraid it's been too long
to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around
a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I've grown beyond the walls
to where I've never been
And it's still winter in my wonderland

Chorus
I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

I close my eyes and try to see
the world unbroken underneath
The farther off and already
it just might make the life I lead
A little more than make-believe
when all my skies are painted blue
And the clouds don't ever change
the shape of who I am to You

Chorus

I'm waiting for the world to fall
I'm waiting for the scene to change
I'm waiting when the colors come
I'm waiting to let my world come undone

When I catch the light of falling stars
my view is changing me
My view is changing me

I'm waiting

Much Afraid
by Jars of Clay

Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
I might not get up again
So I lay at your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to you

All of these things I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me go

Worlds Apart
by Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind

To rid myself of all but love,
To give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life
I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray,
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart
Take it now, take it now
And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart

Worlds Apart.

Whipping up My Energy

The other day I went to the library and took out some Tai Chi videos. I also took out two videos called Three Minutes to Power and Three Minutes to Peace by Master Lawrence Tan. The latter are videos based on the Universal form that uses a form of Kung Fu to build energy or calm yourself down, based on movements and breathing patterns that help to fuel your energy meridians.

In Eastern practices, breathing is very important. When you take in oxygen and it hitches up with the red blood cells, this creates a strong positive charge in the body. The water and tissues of the body have a strong negative charge. If you remember from your Grade 8 science class, whenever you have a positive charge and a negative charge you have energy and work potential. Think of it as a battery with its negative and positive poles. Then think of the meridians that are designated as being either yin or yang. This is just another way of saying positive or negative.

Electrical energy of the direct current kind is produced in the body and helps to cause many of its functions. There seems to be some evidence that we have both analog and digital forms of energy as well. Tai Chi and other forms of martial arts help to build the "chi" or bio-electrical energy stores of the body through the various movements that are performed. Some of the movements not only strengthen your own chi but can also be used to weaken your opponent's energy levels. I've seen this when I "unzipped" one of my sons central meridian that runs up the center of the trunk of the body. I then gave him a push that sent him flying backwards across the room, much to his and my surprise. He towers over my 5'11" with his 6'1" and muscular bulk and is considerably stronger than I am.

Anyhow, one of the things that I have trained my recticular activating system (the part of the brain that filters out stuff and brings things to your attention) to notice is subtle electrical current, especially as detected through my hands. When I was done doing some of the tai chi and the Universal form, I could feel a surge of energy in my hands and body and my mind became clear and focused. So yeah, it works.

I'm working on learning the tai chi forms as a means of stress relief and of improving my body's electrical function, as well as a means of getting in shape.

Speaking of shape, I am now into a size 14. Yeah! Still have about 25 or so pounds to go, but I'm getting there.

How to Be Diappointed in Life

"One of the best ways to have lots of disappointment in your life is to construct an image of how you would like things to be, and then try to make everything that way. You will feel disappointed as long as the world doesn't match your picture. That is one of the best ways I know of to keep yourself in a constant state of disappointment, because you are never going to get the world to match your picture. "

Frogs into Princes by Richard Bandler and John Grinder

One Heavy Burden Lifted

I can't believe how unstressed I feel now that I am no longer homeschooling. I'm ecstatic and the kids are very happy. I went to the parent/teacher open house last night and got to meet all the teachers that the children have. One of them I knew before as a homeschooler and I know she is truly gifted and called to teach.

Those of you who have had to labor for years, feeling like a square peg in a round hole will know exactly what I mean when I say that is how I felt as a homeschooler. It 's ok to go on about the high calling of homeschooling, but if you haven't got the knack of it, it makes for drudgery for everyone. It is like asking a tone deaf person to practice the piano for years in the hopes that one day they will be able to play a concert. I can teach all right. But it has to be the thing I am called to that I can teach. In my case, kinesionics and preventative health practices doesn't make for good training in phonics and math skills. And I refuse to feel guilty about it any more. Instead, I am going to concentrate on doing what I am actually skilled in and good at, and let others who are good at teaching, teach. And I'll fill in with love, understanding, and bag lunches. In fact, I feel a whole lot more understanding and loving towards my kids now that I am not being perpetually frustrated with having to teach them. I am praising God that I had a decent Christian school to send them to.

Now pray that I can finance this....

What I Did This Summer

Yeah, I know. It sounds like one of those cheesy school essays done early in September. So sue me.

My company has come and gone. [sniff!] It was fun while it all lasted, but now it is time to dig out from under the rubble of things that got shoved aside so we could all have fun and get back to the routine of school, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and daily living.

This year, school has a new meaning for me. It means FREEDOM! I've homeschooled for the last 18 years and now I am letting some people who are actually called to teach in a Christian school do it. That means I can now concentrate on being a "justa" wife and mother. Oh, and a student and kinesionics practitioner too. On the one hand, I feel like I am being an incredibly selfish person by not putting up with all the educational frustrations, total mess, and heavy workload and joylessness that I experienced over the years. Like I don't deserve any joy in life, and neither do my kids. (To all the Calvinists reading this -- I know I deserve hell and damnation, but I *am* one of the elect and therefore entitled, by grace, to joy now.)

And yeah. Socialization. I know all the arguments about why socialization at home is good for your kids when they homeschool. Truthfully, my kids have benefited from it. They all interact well with adults and kids of all ages because they weren't socialized to their peer group. Hopefully that will hold for them.

BTW, I'm not completely out of the homeschool mindset. I can't bear to part with the books yet. The kids may find them useful for homework or projects. And I will likely start teaching Elodie to read this year.

In other news, I just finished up four days of advanced training in kinesionics. I have a love/hate relationship with these courses. I love coming out of the training at the end with more tools for helping people. However, in order to get there, it is a case of "physician, heal thyself." In other words, I have to have the therapy done to me as well as practice on my classmates. This is usually good for at least one complete emotional meltdown. I cried my way home and cried my way back on at least two days. But it's all good. I'm all fixed now. [liar.]

My instructor is a rather reserved man and doesn't say too much, but I think he thinks I am doing well. The other students seem to think so, at any rate. My goal is to become as good as my instructor, and while I think I am a long way away from being that, but I intend to work hard in the next few years to move in that direction. Already I am taking my exams deeper than I had before and learning along the way. I'm also planning on branching out and taking in more education soon. I have a specialized course on nutrition and glyconutrients from the Miami University School of Medicine to finish up, and then I hope to start working on my wholistic nutrition bachelor of science from Clayton College of Natural Healing .

On other fronts: I continue to lose weight. I am planning on losing another 25 or 30 lbs and getting into seriously good shape. My elliptical trainer awaits me in the basement. I also have some tai chi videos for learning tai chi to go through, some Pilates DVD's to use, and a few other things I plan to use for accomplishing the above.

I don't have a lot of plans yet for what I plan to do with my time when the kids are in school beyond giving the house a thorough going over and instituting regular nap times for the pre-schoolers. I want to have some chill time to think things over and then decide from there what I want to do. I'm not an idle person by nature, and I hate wasting time on games and useless activities, so filling my time with profitable activities should not be a problem.

That's it for now....

This is hysterical!

Among the Things I Don't Deserve...

... is the friend I have in Willena. I can't help boasting of her after receiving what follows. This is a tribute, not to me, but to what a wonderful person she is and how blessed I am to have her for a friend. She captured me sentiments exactly.

Without Goodbye

Without goodbye there is no hello...
no anticipation for months before,
no rush of joy at first sight of her dear face,
no warm and welcoming hugs.

Without goodbye there are no post midnight talks...
no early "good morning"...
no late "good night,"
no exploring in person what's shared in writing,
no doing nothing together just to be together.

Without goodbye there are no long car rides...
no Zinfandel, Smirnoff or Schloss Lederheim,
no makeup, perms or pedicures,
no Earl's, White Spot or Empress Tea Room.

Without goodbye there are no stays in one another's homes...
no lying awake in the dark savouring those first moments,
no breathless excitement at knowing the loved one is near,
no togetherness in everything from dawn till dark.

Without goodbye there are no blue Canadian Rockies...
no Indian paintbrush, lilies and lupine,
no scallops, steppes, and swirls,
no living reminder of God's majesty and power.

Without goodbye there are no dark confessions...
no sharing of deepest secrets,
no souls knit together in love,
no Jonathan to Jonathan.

Without goodbye there are no dam bursts...
no heart to heart spanning cyberspace,
no building trust that knows no bounds,
no testing through darkness and silence.

Without goodbye there is no music in the night...
no parting gifts, sweet words and warm embraces,
no glimpse of heaven and my need for Him,
no time of reflection before returning to duties at home.


Without goodbye... there is no hello.

Two Friends Reprise...

This is my Dad.
This is my Mom and I
Here I am again with Dad. Who do you think I resemble the most?
Dad is holding his grand-daughter Elodie, his great-grandson, Rogan, and his great grand-daughter, Keiannah. Doesn't look old enough to be a great grandpa, does he?
Here's a nice picture of my parents with my daughter, Trista. Below is a beautiful picture of my Mom holding baby Jimbles.

My Summer So Far

I haven't been posting much, mainly because life keeps getting in the way. By that I mean that I can either live life or write about it, but not do both, apparently. Things slowed down a bit in a number of ways in the past week and I have had plenty of time to think things over.

As you saw a few posts back, we had company from France. Since then I had some friends from Edmonton staying here, my parents arrived and stayed for a month, and my sister-in-law and her family came and stayed for a weekend. I thoroughly enjoyed having all the company, but it is always a bittersweet thing for me. In the back of my mind I know "good-bye" has to be said at some point.

At the top of this post is a very special coupleI'd like to introduce my readers to. They have long occupied an important place in my heart. The beautiful lady is my mother, and the handsome man is my father. I don't think there is another person on earth who could be as blessed as I am in my parents, with the exception of my sister.

Mom and Dad went out of their way to bless me through helping around the house. Mom folded mutiple baskets of laundry, Dad organized the boys to get in a winter's worth of wood, cut, split, and stacked in one afternoon. He also stained all the baseboards for the house. I was treated to a pedicure, tea at a tea house, free books, naps, and a break from the kids. I don't knowwhen I enjoyed my time with my parents more. They are a delight to be with and we all miss them terribly. Even Elodie woke up the other morning wondering where "Grampy" was.

My eldest son, Nathanael, graduated from high school in June and we attended his graduation ceremony with Bernard and Annie. He then moved home for the next month and a half, and it gave me the opportunity to bring some closure to the idea of his moving out on his own. He'll be 20 years old in exactly one month. In the duration between when he left the first time and now he has learned to become an extraordinary cook. His baked salmon is something to rave about, as are his Caesar salads.

Unfortunately, the closure I got over Nathanael's leaving was more than offset by the fact that Trahern decided it was time to move out as well. He didn't leave in a snit, there were no fights, etc. He just decided to try his wings. This hit me like a bolt out of the blue and I had only 2 or 3 days notice before he was gone. Poor kid. I couldn't even go into the bus station to see him off. Instead I sat in the van and howled while my parents did my office of seeing him go.

You never know what kind of impact a person has on your life until they are gone. Since Trahern left, the phone has been strangely silent. On one of my office walls I have a large framed photo composition with 12 openings; one for each of my kids. The picture of Trahern is typical of him -- He has a phone glued to his ear. Gone are also some of the boys' friends who used to drop in when he was at home. Funny. I didn't really think about the fact that I also lose the kids' friends when they move out, or that I would mind.

I can get through most of the day pretty well without being too upset by it all. But then comes supper time and it is almost more than I can bear to see the reduced number of plates I have to set out. My table was full to overflowing just a week and a half ago. Now we can fit everyone around it.

Garnet, who is nearly seven, seemed to feel it the most, at least outwardly. The first night after he learned of Trahern's moving out was spent crying. He cried himself to sleep and Trahern found him asleep in bed with tears still on his cheeks. He's been phoning the boys every night to talk to them. At least he has that. And the boys have been pretty good about keeping in touch and letting me know what they are doing. My one consolation in this is that Nathanael has promised to keep an eye on Trahern to keep him out of trouble. And for being so young at moving out, Trahern is being fairly sensible in that he has applied to go to school. He'll have to work part time, of course, to support himself, but at least he hasn't given up on the idea of completing his high school education.

So yeah. Summer has been a compound of joy mixed with sadness. One benefit of angst, at least for me, is that it stimulates my creative juices. Lately I have taken to writing poetry. I don't know what kind of poetry you would call it. I don't stick to a strict rhyming scheme, and it isn't pure free verse. It's just what I wanted to do. I'll end this post with a very rough draft of one I am currently working on. Mostly I was just jotting down some ideas of what I want to express. I suspect that the final form will be quite different.

Is it You?
Are You the One I desire?
Scan the faces I see
Looking through them
Searching for the one
Who put insatiable longing
In this heart.

Who will still this restless
Movement of soul?
Are you the Treasure at the end
Of my rainbow?
Are You the home fire
That lights my home?
Will I ever know
As I am known?

I think I see You
So dimly, so darkly
Through this clouded glass I have.
You leave the room as I enter
Traces of Your perfume
Linger where you passed

Whispers of your voice sing to me
Through the trees
I sense Your fingers’ touch
Through the skin of others
Never enough

I’m afraid of this hunger
Afraid of the stumbling
Reaching for You every which way
Afraid of the Consuming Fire
Afraid of Your touch
Yet longing for its warmth
Where are You?

Two Friends

An Apology for Modesty

by Douglas Wilson


The sin of immodesty is not a light matter. Nor is it a problem that can be isolated to this or that individual. We are God’s covenant people, and we worship Him together. We live together. Modesty in Christian women is therefore a very obvious indicator of whether or not a Christian people understand who they are.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works (1 Tim. 2: 9-10)

We should perhaps begin with a brief apology. We use the word apology in two basic ways. The first is when we are seeking to put something right, seeking forgiveness from someone we have wronged. The second is less frequently used, but it is the sense I am using here. An apology is a defense, and, given the nature of this subject, what we need to begin with here is a defense of plain-dealing. Because of our substitution of humanistic pietisms in the place of biblical law, we have found ourselves unable to deal with sin as God defines it. According to our traditions, there are certain things we must never say, and this has put us all in the position of having to ignore the elephant sitting on the coffee table because we have somehow acquired a taboo against saying the word "elephant."

But we should prefer having certain things said in church, so long as it is taken from the Bible, than to have other things routinely done in church, things which are plainly condemned by the Word. As we work through this, we should understand there are three basic sins in view—and none will be handled with excessive gentleness. One is the sin of being a pietistic and gnostic biddy. The other is that of thinking that one’s breasts and legs were meant to be displayed in such a way as to make the general public marvel. And the third is the sin of fathers and husbands who encourage or put up with either of the first two sins.
We need, obviously, a theology of modesty. I have noted a number of times that it is not possible for men and women, in their lives together, to avoid "talking" about Christ and the Church. Related to this, it is not possible for us to remove the question of dress from this.

We clearly have a need for reformation—doctrinal and practical infidelity on the part of God’s people is described throughout Scripture as adultery. And immodesty in Scripture is characterized as an invitation to adultery. So whenever a woman dresses in an immodest fashion, she is making a statement (although perhaps unintended) about the condition of the evangelical church today. Her statement is a public one—and not measured by what she says her intentions are—and that statement is I am easy. So the reason we have so much immodesty in Christian women today is that they are the Church in miniature. Too many women look cheap and easy because the Christian Church looks cheap and easy.

But we have to be careful not to fight with infidelity. Whenever a true problem appears in the Church, a natural response is for some to fight that problem "on God’s behalf," but the fight is offered according to the dictates of carnal wisdom. In other words, we fight with traditional values instead of with holy Scripture. And the reason we do not use Scripture is that God’s Word condemns more than just immodesty—it also condemns many of "our little virtues." But pietism always drags impiety after it. In short, we have to fight immodesty in a scriptural way, and not by means of Victorianism.

A big part of the problem is the sin of abdication—fathers and husbands today are simply not jealous enough. Men must look to Christ and the Church for their pattern because they in turn are representing that pattern. "For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ" (2 Cor. 11:2). Tragically, it cannot go without saying anymore—if the goal is to present a chaste virgin, it should also be a goal to present her looking like a chaste virgin."Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish" (Eph. 5:25-27). A virgin daughter, and a chaste wife, are to be loved and sacrificed for, in order that they might be cleansed, glorious, spotless, without wrinkle, or anything like it, holy, and without blemish. These things mean, among others, that fathers should care very much about whether their daughters look like bed bait. It would be nice to say we don’t have that problem in the Church today—but we do.

We should see in the passage from 1 Timothy that we have a command to adorn—just as men are commanded to pray with holy hands in the previous verse, women are commanded to honor God in how they adorn themselves. An aesthetic principle is revealed here, incidentally. Simplicity is valued in Scripture, not because it is "plain and ugly," but because it is lovely. The question for Christian women is not "to adorn or not to adorn?" The question is rather to adorn the way God commands, or another way.

So let us return to the "three problems" stated earlier. The first is the problem of all gnostic attempts to define modesty. The second is immodesty itself (when scripturally defined). And the third is the problem of Christian men abdicating in the face of the first two problems. Christian men need to cultivate a biblically informed jealousy (2 Cor. 11:2).

As the text makes plain, Paul is looking for a modest demeanor. This demeanor, this heart, this spirit, is the heart and soul of true modesty. If the heart attitude is not there, then all the dress codes in the world will fix nothing.

The first thing to call for is a modesty of the heart. When this modest attitude is absent, the external sins that replace it can and will vary. Sometimes immodest women are ostentatious, decked out like a circus horse (1 Tim. 2:9-10). Sometimes they are silly, vain, giggly boy-crazy types—daughters of Zion strutting their stuff at the mall (Is. 3: 16). Sometimes they are sexually provocative (Prov. 7:10). This is not measured necessarily by the amount of cloth involved. Such a woman can be covered from the neck to the floor and do all her work with her eyes (Prov. 6:25). But they are always missing aidos and sophrosune, the words in our text that refer to bashful self-respect and prudent sensibility respectively.

There are two elements to this, and the first might be called creation modesty. When the attitude is right, any young woman who is not a fool wants instruction. She is eager for it. And in coming to the Word, we find that certain basic standards transcend cultural differences. When God, the first tailor, covered the nakedness of Adam and Eve, He covered their torsos. We know this from the word used for their clothing which is used a number of times in Scripture (Gen. 3:21). And when God rises in judgment against sexual immorality, one of the things He does is uncover the nakedness of those under judgment (Jer. 13:26-27; Nah. 3:4-6). This uncovering gives us a good understanding of what covering needs to do. The basic standard is evident (Ex. 28:42; cf. 20:26).

But there is also a cultural aspect to modesty. The Bible also teaches us that clothes are a form of language. They can communicate joy (Is. 52:1), sorrow (Gen. 38:14, 19), prideful giddiness (Is. 3:16), formality (Matt. 22:11-12), and so on. Now, consider the nature of language. The fact that certain obscene sounds in English were not obscene in the time of Paul (Eph. 4:29) does not mean we get to use those sounds as we please. It is the same with clothes. We cannot do certain things that have a particular meaning, and then when we get a drastic response because of that meaning, defend ourselves by saying that "this doesn’t mean that in China. Everything’s relative!" No, nothing is relative—but many things are particular. What does this mean here, now? Clothing can be immodest because a particular culture has given certain articles of clothing a particular meaning. If in a particular society, wearing red meant that a woman was a prostitute, it would be immodest for a woman to wear red, even though the Bible says nothing against wearing red in itself.

The point is often made that the "legalist" should not try to make rules that will cover every situation. And this is correct—he should not. But it is often not noticed that it is the "licentious" who loudly object to such rules while simultaneously demanding them. Suppose someone in authority (at a school, say) said, "All right. No rules about dress. Let’s all be reasonable. If you cross the line, I’ll send you home." The first objection that will be made when the discipline occurs, in a nasal whine, will be, "No one told me . . ." Yes, and if you had been told you would have laughed at the "legalism." What we are dealing with here is a complicated mixture of sin and stupidity. But this is not said in order to excuse anyone in any way. Being dumb is culpable, and being sinful is folly. A young girl with this problem does not dress in the way she does because she thinks it makes her look like a nun.

So the application is not difficult to understand, but some crucifixion is involved here. Christian women should resolve to master certain basic principles. Dress the heart before you dress the body—without the heart issues resolved, the more you study this issue, the more tangled it gets. But resolve, by the grace of God, to honor your parents, cultivate aidos, suspect your own wisdom, and suddenly everything becomes clear. Remember who you represent—as already discussed, Christian women represent the Church. You must not dress in a manner that replicates the dismal condition of the modern church. You represent your doctrine. You must not make Calvinist women look like tramps or prudes. You represent your family, and particularly your father or husband. More than one insufficiently-dressed woman has made her covenant head look either like a clueless idiot or like a whipped puppy. Dress like a fool if you want fools for children—God is not mocked. Women will reap what they sow as well as men. In the natural world, certain mating displays are calculated to attract the male or female of that same species. Well, it works here too. Fools reproduce after their kind just like the beasts of the field.

With these principles down, what about the details? The difficulty is frequently in the particulars. When we come to concrete applications and decisions, wisdom can be particularly tricky, and folly finds it easy to raise the objections. When we finally come to the point of decisions about this or that, folly has little difficulty in obfuscating the genuine issues. "But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil" (Heb. 5:14).

We need to begin by emphasizing the necessity of judgment calls. In countless ways, the Scripture requires us make decisions and applications. Such applications are not extra-biblical legalisms. Legalism results in contradicting the Bible, often in the name of holiness. Application means deciding how the scriptural requirement applies in a particular instance. The Scripture says that wine is a gift of God, and the Scripture also says not to be drunk with wine, wherein is dissipation. Consequently, somewhere between the first sip and the onset of drunkenness is a line that Christians must establish on their own—and the Bible does not give us a blood/alcohol limit. And like so much of what we are do, this is not individualistic. It is the same with standards of modesty—these are community issues. And so we should address them as a community, with the Scriptures at the center (Heb. 10:22).
We should begin by preparing the conscience. The Bible teaches that conscience is an important factor in all such considerations. But the conscience is to be informed—remember our text from Hebrews—and the informational hierarchy is established in such things by Scripture, church, parents, tradition, community, and last, your very cool cousin, the one who flaunts her belly button ring down at that government school gulag she goes to.

We should strive to abandon individualism. When others have an opinion on what you wear, they are not prying into business not their own. Clothes are a public act. The problem of being a busybody is not present just because something is said. The issue is what is said, and why. We should take care to stop searing the conscience. For example, in your entertainment standards, do not grow accustomed to that which is foul. That which is acceptable in digital two-dimensional space will soon enough be acceptable in three dimensions. Do not sear the conscience. But also remember that it is the prohibitionists in Scripture who are the ones described as searing the conscience (1 Tim. 4:1-5). St. Paul tells us that we are to think about, meditate on, whatever is lovely, pure, noble, etc. But here is a judgment call again. And an informed conscience is a good companion here. "Unto the pure all things are pure: but unto them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure; but even their mind and conscience is defiled" (Tit. 1:15).

And so, what about some judgment calls? Is it a sin to have two beers? Of course not. But if I saw a young man having two beers right in a row, I would still smack his fat little head. And there is no contradiction. With clothing, be mindful of lines of sight. Just as a painting done well draws the eye to a certain focal point, just as a wise architect knows how to draw the eye to certain places on his building, so the lines of clothing can do the same. Examples include unbuttoned blouses, tight jeans, or high slits in dresses. The issue is not what is seen, but rather what is indicated, whether out of sight or not. Then there is the problem of ankle busters. Barbie doll high heels are engineered to accentuate the buttocks. But if you are not selling, don’t advertise. Then there is the problem that is summarized by the phrase too tight. Tight skirts, tight tee-shirts, tight jeans, tight sweaters, are all indications of loose character—or the other possibility, which is the presence of a bimbo of very little brain. But we want more options for our daughters than easy or stupid. So if your daughter puts a quarter in her hip pocket and the boys can tell if it is heads or tails, then there is a problem. And what about swimwear? Too many women are schizophrenic here. The Bible does not require modesty, "except at the pool." Clothing also has a behavioral aspect. Many young Christian women must learn how to sit, stand, and walk like ladies. This is far more important than many realize. And of course, there is the obvious problem of too little—short skirts, teeny spaghetti-strapped tee-shirts, short shorts. Try to limit exposed skin to half an acre or so.

There are two temptations here. One reaction just runs away from all this "legalism." The other overreaction heads off in the opposite direction and start dressing like an androgynous humanoid unit. But women should dress as women, and they must glory in how God has made them. And how God has created them should not be denied in the name of modesty. But an essential part of that feminine glory is a modest reserve, a certain attractive reticence. A Christian woman should dress with a clean conscience. Are you willing to change how you dress? And she should dress as an intelligent woman—immodest women dress as though they hadn’t a clue about the effect they have. But other women panic over immodesty as though Christian men will be undone at the sight of a knee. Or two knees.

So. Let us suppose for a moment that we are all convinced. Such things as a general cultural modesty will not be brought about through simply convincing people. The issue is not what we are prepared to think about in our heads, but rather what we do as a community of saints with regard to this issue.

True belief is measured the same way love is—through what brings about discipline. Without discipline, the most strongly-held belief is mere opinion, to be disregarded and unloved by others. And why should they not disregard it? The one who professes to love this position refuses to protect it. Why should anyone else care to protect it?

When something goes wrong, we have two legitimate options, and one popular illegitimate one. The first option is to cover it—when someone shows up in an outfit that you believe is inappropriate, the first option is to overlook such offenses in love. There are many instances when love is called to cover a multitude of sins (1 Pet. 4:8). But covering it means covering it. Even if she has not adequately covered herself, you should cover her with love. The second option is to confront it. There are times when love cannot permit an instance of immodesty to pass by. In such circumstances, then love confronts, honestly, openly, and up the middle. We will address how this is to be done in just a moment. And the third option, the one that is not an option, is to carp about it. This illegitimate option, so natural to many, is to refuse to cover it in love, and also refuse to confront anyone about it. Instead, these folks go off in a corner and whisper about it critically and at length with all the wrong people. Either you speak to the person, or with those who are appointed to help you speak to the person, or to no one at all.

So we need to deal with a series of ifs. What do we do when . . .? And the problem we have to solve is this: how can we live together as a community on this issue without creating two-hundred different "dress codes?"

First, what do we do when advice is sought? In many instances, women have sought advice on a particular article of clothing and have been assured that it is just fine, when it is not. So if someone seeks your counsel, tell them the truth. This especially includes the hard cases where unattractive and/or insecure girls dress in this way.

And when you find yourself in a situation where you need to talk about his, start with questions. On this subject, in any confrontation, do not start with a charge or accusation. Start by asking. Initiate a conversation. Be willing to hear the other person out. You will freequently learn that you did not have all the facts. If you ask, "Why are they so defensive?" it may have been because they saw your face as your approached.

It is sometimes a good idea to have the men who are involved talk about it. If there is in fact a consistent problem that must be addressed, then have your husband or father talk to her husband or father about it. Perhaps this will not result in the necessary fireworks. That would be good.

What about a girl friend to girl friend? As above, tell the truth when asked. And, depending on the closeness of your friends, a peer may approach a peer with questions and prudent suggestions.

There are some young men who want to take it upon themselves to talk to the girls about modesty issues. But, going out on a limb here, I want to say that under no circumstances should a young man undertake to correct a woman about her dress. It is important to note here that women dress the way they do because it gets a desired response, and the young men are responsible for giving that response. Now some young men cluster round because they enjoy the show. But others happen to be around, and are regularly provoked in a negative, but do not know what to do. Instead of offering rebukes, what they should do is find some other friends. And if anyone asks about the reason for the change, tell them.

We also have to deal with the young man who needs to get a life. There is a type of young man who falls in love with the models in a Sears catalog. He has his sensibilities affronted by the fact that young women are built differently. He thinks women immodest simply because they bother him, but what he doesn’t know is that he is a piece of work.

Fathers and husband should always remember their responsibilities to love, lead, teach, and admonish. And of course, they should do nothing from exasperation (Gal. 6:1), and nothing with a double standard (Matt. 7:1-2).

Miscellaneous
Every year that we go to Barkerville, a restored gold mining town in the central interior of British Columbia, we take a picture of the family in this exact spot as a family tradition to see how we have changed over the years. This is this year's installment with Bernard and Annie rounding things out.

This is "Tante" Annie, Bernard's sweet little wife. She is one of the nicest people I have ever met.

This is "Uncle Bernard" with his "god daughter" Elodie. No, we aren't Roman Catholic or Anglican. I don't think Bernard is either, but he wanted to have a special relationship with this one, and this is what he calls her. Bernard is actually Marc's first cousin twice removed. He and Annie live near Paris, France, and have invited us to come over and enjoy their fine cuisine, and sail the Meditteranean with them on their boat. Guess what I hope to be doing in a year or so?