Great Big Sea - Feel it Turn

A poignant song

The Mom Song

Thanks to Raging Calvinist for this.

When I Go Down

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this
So from my thoughts I will exclude
The very thing that
I hate more than everything is
The way I'm powerless
To dictate my own moods

I've thrown away
So many things that could've been much more
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not the way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregaurd
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

If and when I can
Clear myself of this clouded mind
I'll watch myself settle down
Into a place where Peace can search me out and find
That I'm so ready to be found

I've thrown away
The hope I had in friendships
I've thrown away
So many things that could have been much more
I've thrown away
The secret to find the end to this
And I just pray
My problems go away if they're ignored
But that's not the way it works
No that's not that way it works

When I go down
I go down hard
And I take everything I've learned
And teach myself some disregaurd
When I go down
It hurts to hit the bottom
And of the things that got me there
I think, if only I had fought them

Any control I thought I had just slipped through my hands
While my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands me
Reprimands me
Then and there I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet You love me
And that consumes me
And I'll stand up again
And do so willingly

You give me hope, and hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart, and when you do You make it light
As I exhale I hear Your voice
And I answer You, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's a fallen man's praise
Cause I love You
Oh God, I love You

And life is now worth living
If only because of You
And when they say that I am dead and gone
It won't be further from the truth

When I go down
I lift my eyes to You
I won't look very far
Cause You'll be there
With open arms
To lift me up again
To lift me up again

Church Sign Smack Down

Click on the link above for something pretty funny.

"Every faculty you have, your power of thinking or of moving your limbs from moment to moment, is given to you by God. If you devoted every moment of your whole life exclusively to his service you could not give Him anything that was not in a sense His own already. So that when we talk of a man doing anything for God or giving anything to God, I will tell you what it is really like. It is like a small child going to his father and saying, 'Daddy, give me sixpence to buy you a birthday present.' Of course, the father does, and he is pleased with the child's present. It is all very nice and proper, but only an idiot would think that the father is sixpence to the good on the transaction. When a man has made these two discoveries, God can really get to work. It is after this that real life begins. The man is awake now..."

C.S. Lewis

Sorry this is so small. This is my youngest grandchild, Elora Ann and myself.

Sixpence None The Richer - Breathe Your Name (Video)

One of my newest favorite bands...

Sixpence None the Richer

sixpence none the richer. Don't dream it's over

Summertime Friends...

My Grand-daughters (so far) Top -- Keiannah who is now 6, and beneath, Elora Ann, who is now eight months.

More Family Photos -- Top photo is the entire gang, including old ugly (and I don't mean me!). Next photo is of my grand-daughter Keiannah, and my grandson, Rogan. Next is a shot of my eldest, Trish, with her husband Codey, and daugher Elora whom we adora. Beneath is my eldest son, Nathanael, and his girl, Trinity. Another wedding of one of my offspring could be in the near future. Lastly, the day of Ben's wedding there was a train wreck. I think this is sort of a cool shot of the happy couple with the burning train engines in the background.

This is my son Ben and his new bride, Tonya. Aren't they a nice looking couple?

[.x.] good charlotte, emotionless [.x.]

This song is for the X.

Super Progress...

When I consider that I used to wear a size 20 and am now needing to buy size 10 in a lot of clothing, I think I have made super progress. Some day I'll post a before and after picture once I reach my goal weight and have firmed up a few remaining spots. In the meantime, I sure like having the problem of having to find a way to replace my over-sized wardrobe...

Am I A Feminist?

It appears that some confusion exists in the minds of some of my readers about where I am now compared to where I used to be philosophically. Recently someone asked if I was now a feminist who now hates marriage and children based on some of the things that have appeared on my blog in the last few months. I guess it depends on what you mean by feminism. If you are thinking the Betty Freidan style of feminism, the answer is no. If you mean the sort of liberal feministic egalitarianism that allows for women pastors/elders, etc., in the Church, the answer is no. If you mean the baby-hating, zero population growth, pro-abortion feminist, the answer is still no.

I'm anti-tyranny.

I'll try to explain. Remember the story of the Pharisees going after the disciples for rubbing grain through their hands on the Sabbath? Remember Jesus' response to them? He reminded them of the story of David and the shewbread and then stated that God desires mercy, and not sacrifice.

In certain circles people can get their heads all twisted up with propositions and principles and then start sacrificing people on the altar of those principles, forgetting mercy in the process. Case in point: being against child spacing or limiting a family's size and then requiring homeschooling of all the children even in situations where you know that the mother in the home is stretched to the limit and not receiving much, if any, help from her spouse, and then condemning her in the process for not living up to the ideal. This is a situation similar to that where Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for tying burdens on people's backs and then not lifting a finger to help them.

Love of propositions as opposed to love of God and people can have a very dehumanizing effect on the human soul. It will make you unyielding and unmerciful and all with the highest motivation.

I'm dealing with the fall out of a broken marriage and seven minor children that need to be looked after. I am having to work after 26 years as a full time housewife with all the qualifications for working in a donut shop, and the adjustment for everyone is huge. I am not only going to have to continue to provide for minor children into my 60's, I also have to plan for my own financial future. I could be a lot more specific about what is happening in my life, but one thing I have learned is that anything that I say can and will be used against me. One person in particular, who reads this blog, does not do so with my best interests at heart.

Am I against marriage? Not at all. The World's Shortest Fairytale tickled my funnybone, especially the part about not being farted on. There are worse things in this world than being single. If the chance to marry a Christian man who is kind, loving, and a partner comes along, not a "patriarch" who wants the prestige and honor of the position, but doesn't want to do the work, then I'm willing to consider it. I'm not having more children. At the age of 46 and after 12 children and 20 pregnancies, I think I have done my part in populating the world. I'm still doing babies and toddlers at the same time I am a grandmother and now have to work full time at something. Can you blame me for not wanting to add to what I am already carrying? Any man who wants me, had better want and accept me for who I am, and not for my ability to procreate. This doesn't make me anti child. It just means that I am finally giving myself a break from the unrealistic ideals I used to carry.

My own circumstances have forced me to look past principles into what happens to people when they are applied in a wooden and narrow way. It has forced me to look at others with more mercy and less of a desire to sacrifice them on the altar of my absolutes. The Bible was written, not just for people who do it all right and have the picture perfect marriage and a large brood of godly, obedient children. It was also written for the rest of us who don't match the picture on the cover of The Teaching Home magazine.

World's Shortest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?"
The girl said "No."

And so the girl lived happily ever after. She went shopping, drank margaritas with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, stayed slender, had a closet full of shoes, clothes and handbags, and was never farted on.

The End

Things I See Out My Window

So I am sitting in my office on the phone, looking out my window. I see a graceful white-tailed deer eating grass on my front lawn. All of a sudden the deer lifts its head in alarm and then bounds off into the woods -- pursued by a baby clad only in a diaper. James strikes again.

On fiire - Switchfoot

For those tempted to cynicism because of experience with Christianity... This is where reality is found.

Switchfoot - This is your life

This is your life. Are you who you want to be?