Rules for Life...

"Rule for Life Number One: You marry at the level of your own psychological health.

Strive though you will to find someone who possesses the strengths you lack, you will ultimately wind up with a man who's approximately your double. What are you missing? Most women bounce from crib to school to college (if they're lucky) to a quasi-career, then into a connubial bed, without first defining who they are. Their totality depends on getting a husband...

"Dr. Albert Ellis, in Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy, lists twelve important self-defeating beliefs that preven tus from defining ourselves clearly and becoming adults. Among these, the following are critical:

• It is terrible when things are different from what I would like them to be.
• My suffering is caused by others and events beyond my control.
• It is easier for me to avoid than to face up to difficulties and responsibilities in my life.
• I can become happy without taking action on my own behalf.
• I have little control over how I feel.

"These five beliefs all share a common basis: "I have little or no command over my life and must or should adhere to others' notions of who I am and how I should live my life." But responsibilities and difficulties do not disappear through denial or evasion. Happiness is not dispensed to you. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.""

From Men are Just Desserts by Sonya Friedman

There is a River

by Jars of Clay

There is a river that washes you clean

There is a tree that marks the places you've been

Blood that was spilled, though not your own

For all of your tears are the wages for things you've done

And all of those nights

Spent in the darkness of your mind

Give it up, let it go

These are things you were never meant to shoulder

There is a river that washes you clean

There is a tree that marks the places you've been

Blood that was spilled although not your own

For all of those tears, love will atone

So give up the right

To control the waves that empty out your life

Above wild skies

Are the rays that break the shadows we design

Give it up, let go

These are things you were never meant to shoulder

Give it up, let go.

There is a river that washes you clean

There is a tree that marks the places you've been

Blood that was spilled, though not your own

For all of these things, love will atone

I know the world can turn in different ways

Most of the time we're simply hanging on

And under the signs of how we all behave

We might find the place that we belong

For all of those nights that you cried all alone

All of your tears, love will atone.

Crazy Times

by Jars of Clay

You're cold that way

And that's why you say

The things that you say

You can't attract The things that you lack

You're trying in vain

Chorus:

It seems it's always the crazy times

You find you'll wake up and realize

It takes more than your saline eyes

To make things right

You spiral down

You've broken your crown

You don't feel like a [king]

You've seen the proof

But you're still crying wolf

You'll never believe

[Chorus]

You try to climb a broken ladder

Grip the missing rungs

And fall down, down, down

Seems sometime ago you said

This wouldn't last

And now you sit here crying

Beside your bed

You feel left for dead

You kneel in the dark...

It takes more than your saline eyes

To make things right

Work

by Jars of Clay

Just in case, I will leave my things packed
So I can run away
I cannot trust these voices
I don't have a line of prospects that can give some kind of peace
There is nothing left to cling to that can bring me sweet release
I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone."

Empty spaces with shadows lit by streetlights
The warning signs and weight of tired conversations
In the absence of a shoulder, in the abscess of a thief
On the brink of this destruction, on the eve of bittersweet
Now all the demons look like prophets and I'm living out
Every word they speak, every word they speak

Do you know what I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"?
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"
What I mean when I say, "I don't want to be alone"

I have no fear of drowning
It's the breathing that's taking all this work

Hollow Women

"If you feel you need a man to assure you that life is meaningful, stop now. It's time to reassess your skills, your personality, your self-esteem. The truth is, the more you are, the less you need.The more you are, the more you possess yourself without getting caught up with pleasing others and the more you can understand that no one's going to make you happy or complete, but yourself. The more you are the more you will realize that a man can detract from or enhance your happiness, but he can never be responsible for answering all your needs. The more you are, the more you see that he is not the main course, -- you are."

excerpted from Men Are Just Desserts: How Learning to Be a Woman with a Life of Your Own Can Enrich the Life You Share with a Man by Sonya Friedman

I may have more to say on this topic in coming days.

Fade To Grey
by Jars of Clay


It's not hard to know what you're thinking
When you look down on me now
Your trance of love is seeking
To turn this world around
But in my state of blind confusion
No God can pull me out
I see your love is willing
To turn me inside out

And then I see you there
The lonely tears I cry
I wish they'd release me

It's in despair that I find faith
Summon the night to bow down to day
When ignorance is bliss
Save me from myself

Chorus:
And then I see You there
With Your arms open wide and
You try to embrace me
These lonely tears I cry
They keep me in chains and
I wish they'd release me
Cold is the night but
Colder still is the heart made of stone, turned from clay
And if you follow me
You'll see all the black, all the white fade to grey

Fade to grey

This One's for Wrose...

"Numb"
by David Usher

Hey, have you fallen off the shelf?
Can I help you get yourself, back together?
I'm so tired, can I help you save yourself?

Have your friends all changed?
All the people that you thought would be around,
As your light goes grey,
Are you losing all the hope you thought you'd found,
I think we're numb [x3]

Hey, have you found somebody new?
Have you found yourself unglued, for the first time in your life?
Can I help you save yourself?

Have your friends all changed?
All the people that you thought would be around,
As your life goes grey,
Are you losing all the hope you thought we'd found,
I think we're numb [x6]

And tell me do you feel like dying?
Tell me does it hurt just waking?
Tell me have you lost the reasons you ever wanted to fight?
Has it left you lonely?
Tell me do you pray for morning?
Tell me does it hurt just waking?
Tell me have you lost the reasons you ever wanted to fight?
And you know it's all impossible.

And nothing feels the same,
Life is full now,
Every morning when the light comes in,
Everybody sings the same song tonight,
Better fly away, yeah

Have your friends all changed?
All the people that you thought would be around,
As your light goes grey,
Are you losing all the hope you thought you'd found,
I think we're numb. [x9]

Parable
by Douglas Wilson


Once there was a young man who worked for a retail store that was owned by a fellow Christian, and his job was that of a cashier. Although he was tender-hearted, he was also undisciplined and weak-willed, and when he was running short on funds one month, he "borrowed" from the till one day with every intention of paying it back. Of course, his lack of discipline made that impossible, despite his intention, and he was not able to do it.

Some time went by, but one day as his boss was going through the books, the discrepancy was discovered. His boss confronted him, he confessed, and his boss, not surprisingly, fired him. The young man was in agony over this for some days, but after about a week, he borrowed from his parents the amount he had taken, came back to his former boss, gave him the money back, and sought his forgiveness for what he had done.

His boss said that he did forgive him, completely. The air cleared, they had quite a good conversation. At the end of the conversation, the young man asked, quite casually, if he could have his job back. Much to his surprise, his boss shook his head no.

"What do you mean?" the young man asked, before he really had a chance to think. "I thought you forgave me!"

"Well, I did," his boss said. "I am more than willing to come to the Lord’s Supper together with you" (the two attended the same church). "I have not needed to tell the police about what you have done at all."

"But I thought forgiveness meant putting everything back just the way it was before."

"Well, no," his boss said. "It means putting some things back. Like fellowship. But qualifications for fellowship are not the same thing as qualifications for office. Simple forgiveness is all that is necessary for the former. But qualifications for holding office are higher. And if you don’t meet them, and I see that you don’t, it doesn’t mean that I have not forgiven you."

The young man shook his head, confused. "I thought . . ." he began.

His former boss interrupted him. "I have forgiven you," he said, "completely. Nothing stands between us. You have sought forgiveness, and I owe you that forgiveness. But I don’t owe you a job."

Stuck in a Moment
Lyrics by U2

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

Why So Many Lyrics?


Regular readers of this blog will have noticed that since September that there hasn't been a lot of original posting happening here. Instead I have been putting up lyrics to various songs. There has been a lot happening in my life in the last few months -- stuff I would rather not comment on directly. Instead I put up lyrics that express what I am feeling/thinking at any given point in time. Sorry to be so oblique. Maybe some day I will be able to be more direct about it all. In the meantime, here is today's offering:

One Day At a Time
sung by Jeremy Camp on his Stay CD

One day at a time
I will walk this road I've traveled so far
One day at a time well I know I will carry on
One day at a time I can see you took my life this far
One day at a time I will take this faith along

All this hope I breathe is given by the hand that carries me
Until I'm complete and I'll take all I will
To understand this plan you have for me, for me
I've been shut up shut down held out held down
In ways I never knew I would

I can't feel your fullness in my life
Well iIve been burned out broken torn out torn down
In ways I never knew I would
I can't feel your fullness in my life

One day at a time
I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time
I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time
I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time
I will walk these valleys through

All I know is that I see how much my heart
Is longing to be cradled by your side
And I'll give all I can to one day soon
Be held by your hand, by your hand

In all these things Iwill press on
I'll be with you I know it won't be long

"Mistakes Are the Privilege of the Active Person"

The above quote comes from an email from my friend, Margery K. The context of the email was yet another discussion on God's grace and its nature. I have been pondering the above, especially in connection with the life of King David and by way of comparison, with my own. Mistakes are not necessarily the same thing as sin, of course. But if you are at all an active person who is going out and doing things, chances are you will have a lot of mistakes and maybe even a lot of sins happening. But as Margery has also reminded me, "mistakes are God's little learning opportunities." I seem to be getting a lot of those lately.

I guess the reason I am pondering David's life is that he was no poster boy for a sanitized view of sainthood. He was a truly great man with some spectacular failures in his life and yet he remained a man of God. A mark of salvation is that no matter how often or how far you fall, you always rise up and persevere, though you may find yourself at Heaven's gate bloodied and beaten by life and the consequences of sin. And you will find yourself more than a conqueror.

This is a time of sifting for me. I don't know how long this sifting will last, but I have the distinct feeling that it won't be over soon. I feel a fragility of soul that I have never felt before. I sometimes think I could easily splinter into a thousand million pieces. At other times, I feel a strong core of something sustaining me that surprises me. Temptations to complete despair and hopelessness can sometimes consume me, and then the Lord sends someone or something along to show me that I am not completely forsaken and that He is keeping me and maybe even using me. Most days all I know is to put one foot in front of the other and just do the duty that is in front of me. Some days I know that I am sustained by the power of God and His love for me. On the days that I don't know that, or doubt it, He sustains me anyhow and covers my sinful doubts with His mercy.

One of the things I am noticing in the Scriptures are the contrasts that exist. Psalm 40: 12 talks about how our iniquities are more than the hairs of our heads causing the heart to fail because of the sheer magnitude of their number. But earlier in the Psalm we also read how God's mercies are more than can be numbered. Does sin abound? Grace more than abounds to cover it. There are numerous superlatives found in Scripture regarding the love and mercy of God. Ephesians tells us that God is rich in mercy, and there is an exceeding richness of grace; riches of grace, made to abound to us. God is no stingy miser when it comes to covering our sins. The bizarre thing about grace is that the more you see your need of it, and the more you receive it, the less you feel like doing the things that require your need of it in the first place. Or so I am finding. Sanctification is happening, I guess.

I don't have a graceful way of ending this post. Sorry.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
lyrics by U2

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you
But I still havent found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found what Im looking for
But I still havent found what Im looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes Im still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still havent found what Im looking for...

Five Candles
Lyrics by Jars of Clay

A promise or a dare
I would jump if I knew you'd catch me
Staring over the edge
I can't tell if you'll be here for me
I close my eyes and make a wish
Turn out the lights and take a breath
Pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

Chorus:
You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open
You were there when I needed you
You were there when the skies broke wide, wide open
You were never here

I remember you said
Love was more than your good intentions
Empty boxes on the floor
Things I never asked you for
I pray that when the wick is burned
You would say that it's all about love

[Chorus]

I can't see the promise of
Excuses you fall upon
I pray to God not holding on
To things you've left undone

[Chorus x 2]
You were there when I
You were there when I
You were there when I needed you

Liquid
lyrics by Jars of Clay

Arms nailed down,
Are you tellin me something?
Eyes turned out, Are you looking for someone?

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Blood-stained brow,
Are you dying for nothing?
Flesh and blood,
Is it so elemental?

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.
This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Blood-stained brow,
He wasn't broken for nothing.
Arms nailed down,
He didn't die for nothing.

This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.
This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.
This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.
This is the one thing,
The one thing that I know.

Sometimes when life is complicated and tangled, it helps to go back to the one thing you know.