Myths of Child-Rearing

A popular myth of child rearing that shows up in many circles is the myth that a mother only need be at home for the initial months, year, pre-school, or pre-teen years. The idea seems to be that if you breastfeed for at least six weeks, or are home in those important first few years, you have done your duty and may now go off and do something else with a clear conscience. Once a child reaches the age of say, 13, and is able to use a door key without losing it, or operate a microwave, mom may depart the home in search of fulfillment through full time employment or higher learning. But it ain't so.

True, children require less maintenance as they get older. Most teens don't need their diapers changed, they can feed themselves, and if you crack the whip hard enough, they will even clean up after themselves and others. But while their physical needs impose less work on mom, their emotional and spiritual needs come more to the fore. They need as much care as a baby or toddler, but they just need it in a different way.

The teen years are years that are fraught with danger, at least in our society. No more a child, but not yet an adult, they are caught in the no-man's-land of puberty where they lack the experience and discipline needed to avoid some serious mistakes. Many of us can attest to the fact that we sowed some pretty awful stuff into our lives during the teen years and we are still reaping their effects years later. It seems to me to be the height of foolishness for parents to abandon their posts at this time just because they can go out and the kids no longer need a baby-sitter.

It takes time to develop a good and lasting relationship that allows the transfer of wisdom and guidance from a parent to a child. It is hard to get this time when both mom and dad work outside the home and are both exhausted by week's end. Saturday may be devoted to catching up on household chores and maintenance and Saturday evening is a time for mom and dad to have a date in order to maintain their relationship. This doesn't leave a lot of time for spontaneous activities and heart-to-heart talks with your teen sons and daughters. And since young people can be notoriously difficult to get to talk, the necessary time it takes to break down this resistance is one thing that is often in short supply.

I am thankful for the Providence that has allowed me to stay home with my children. There will be a lot of things in my life that I will look back on with regret, but staying home for my teens won't be one of them.