Why Some Women Become Feminists
Boy, is there ever a lot that I can relate to in this blogpost and some of Heart's comments further down the page.
Back in 1985 I read The Way Home by Mary Pride. Gary North has always reminded us that ideas have consequences. Sometimes you don't see the consequences, or logical fallout, of those ideas until years have passed and they have had time to come to fruition. Since I lived the lifestyle espoused in The Way Home, or attempted to, I have seen the results in my own life and in the lives of other women I know. A quiver full mentality combined with the belief that good Christians homeschool before all other options is a recipe for burning out women, particularly if the quiver becomes overly full. I know quite a few women who have fallen by the wayside in an attempt to be the homebirthing, home churching, gardening, home businesswomen, mothers of many married to men with a patriarchal bent. If the number of children is large enough, and if dad isn't helping out much, something will give -- the marriage, the health, the mental well being of the wife/mother or maybe all three can all be in jeopardy given enough time.
I've come to the opinion that partriarchalism is NOT Biblical. If you go back and read what Genesis 3:16 says, the desire of the woman for her husband's position and the fact that he will rule over her is a result of the Fall and part of the curse. Patriarchalism and power struggles are not what existed before the Fall. I like the way that Rushdoony portrayed the relationship that existed between Adam and Eve in their pre-Fall state of innocency: they were co-regents over creation. Sanctification is supposed to lead us back to that state, not away from it.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Today's Words of Wisdom
"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?
My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.
This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. "
taken from The Message paraphrase of Galatians 5:13-23
"It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?
My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God's Spirit. Then you won't feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?
It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.
This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.
But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. "
taken from The Message paraphrase of Galatians 5:13-23
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Only For the Weak
sung by Avalon
Some say it's rules and regulations
And trying to always be right
No room for mistakes in the choices we make
For only the strong survive
But it's not about perfect performance
Or resolution of will
It's all about surrender
Giving up
Being still
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
He welcomes the worn and weary
All who are wounded by sin
And just as we are, we can fall in His arms
Rest and find shelter in Him
Seems like each day is a battle
With burdens and struggles to face
Only in our losing
Do we really see how much we've gained
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
The Father always starts
With a willing heart
Open to how
He moves
As His Spirit is poured
He will do so much more
Than we dreamed He could do
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
sung by Avalon
Some say it's rules and regulations
And trying to always be right
No room for mistakes in the choices we make
For only the strong survive
But it's not about perfect performance
Or resolution of will
It's all about surrender
Giving up
Being still
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
He welcomes the worn and weary
All who are wounded by sin
And just as we are, we can fall in His arms
Rest and find shelter in Him
Seems like each day is a battle
With burdens and struggles to face
Only in our losing
Do we really see how much we've gained
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
The Father always starts
With a willing heart
Open to how
He moves
As His Spirit is poured
He will do so much more
Than we dreamed He could do
Chorus: It's only for the weak
For the faint of heart
Those driven to their knees
Those who live with scars
There's power from beyond
We're certain where it's from
And that's our source of strength
Before we follow Christ
We need to be advised
It's only for the weak
SERVING NOTICE
To all current and past members of the RPNA (GM) or (whatever you want to call it )-- I DO NOT want to have emails, phone calls, or contact concerning anything to do with the RPNA, your/their take on covenanter doctrines, more condemnation, more scolding, rebukes, recriminations, complaints, or being told that I and my children are given over to Satan and that we are all on our way to hell, and that I am an unfaithful wife, mother, Christian, human being. I have news for you --- we are all unfaithful. Salvation is based on grace alone by faith alone in Christ alone, not on your or my purported faithfulness, knowledge, doctrinal purity, church affiliation, method of baptism, etc., etc.,
There is nothing worse than Calvinists who don't get grace.
To all current and past members of the RPNA (GM) or (whatever you want to call it )-- I DO NOT want to have emails, phone calls, or contact concerning anything to do with the RPNA, your/their take on covenanter doctrines, more condemnation, more scolding, rebukes, recriminations, complaints, or being told that I and my children are given over to Satan and that we are all on our way to hell, and that I am an unfaithful wife, mother, Christian, human being. I have news for you --- we are all unfaithful. Salvation is based on grace alone by faith alone in Christ alone, not on your or my purported faithfulness, knowledge, doctrinal purity, church affiliation, method of baptism, etc., etc.,
There is nothing worse than Calvinists who don't get grace.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
How to SortI may have mentioned recently that my friend Grant once told me that the trials and tribulations of life make a great filter for sorting out who your friends really are. You see me pictured here with one of my staunchest and dearest allies and my best friend who has survived the latest round of sorting. Willena has been keeping me company for over a month now and she plans to remain with me for at least another week or so. I owe her and her family a huge debt for allowing her to stay with me all this time. She has been a quiet and comfortable presence who has quite stolen my son James' heart with her winning ways. She is always good for a hug every night before bed, and often when I am feeling down for no particular reason. I also have hardly had to wash a single dish while she has been here. I think I am getting spoiled, and I don't know how I will be able to manage when she is gone. I think her family should be extra generous and let her live with me indefinitely. Okay???
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Quote of the Day
"T.S. Eliot once observed that humans cannot bear very much reality. This has been taken very much to heart by our mothers, but re-written somewhat to perpetuate a common message: Men need protection from the truth about themselves. Or more simply, men cannot bear reality.
...The hardest thing for a man to do is to cope with feelings -- his, yours, or anyone else's -- so heaven forbid that you might confront him with the news that he's hurt you. If he's been hurt, let him sulk, rage, drink, or pout. And if he abuses you, verbally or physically, "it's one of the sacrifices you have to make for having a man." Keep the family strong and the marriage whole, the message goes, and do what you can, sacrifice yourself, to ensure that he doesn't find out the truth. Suffocate him with kindness, spare him grief, and be sure he doesn't learn about himself, stop needing you -- and leave!
...It seems that protecting a man from himself, not "calling him on some of his problems," gives him what he wants: a sense that he's right, wise, emotionally stable, too involved in important matters like work to be bothered with incdental issues like relationships; and the exhilarating illusion that he's in control. Protecting a man from understanding who he is leads to disenchantment, insoluble dilemmas, and in the most extreme cases, the fracturing of a marriage. The worst thing that can be said about helping a man not to help himself is that the woman suffers. And nothing is more futile than spending a lifetime grieving over how "he won't change," and making excuses for him at the same time.
... Who asks that the message's dictum be carried out -- you, your husband, or both of you? Is the message stated or merely implied that you will be his emotional protector? What is the mechanism that moves you to protect a man, even though you claim it makes you unhappy to do so?
...Some of us admit to the truth though: we say we're protecting him, but we're really protecting ourselves. We can exercise a discernible amount of control over a man when we treat him as if he were a hopelessly frightened child. We get accustomed to his failing and cooperate in blunting his emotional growth and development.
What stops us? Frankly, many women... are hesitant to take the chance to help their husbands become full partners in marriage. Stopping a discussion that is crucial to married life because it might upset him, or pretending something doesn't exist to keep him at a distance from the facts, keeps a man in an emotionally childlike position forever. And should you believe that one wrong move would destroy the relationship -- that is, telling the truth or confronting him -- you're better off without it! Marriage should be a friendship. In a friendship there may be words exchanged that are hurtful, but that doesn't mean there is no love in the relationship. If you live in fear of not protecting your husband, you're only hurting yourself."
"T.S. Eliot once observed that humans cannot bear very much reality. This has been taken very much to heart by our mothers, but re-written somewhat to perpetuate a common message: Men need protection from the truth about themselves. Or more simply, men cannot bear reality.
...The hardest thing for a man to do is to cope with feelings -- his, yours, or anyone else's -- so heaven forbid that you might confront him with the news that he's hurt you. If he's been hurt, let him sulk, rage, drink, or pout. And if he abuses you, verbally or physically, "it's one of the sacrifices you have to make for having a man." Keep the family strong and the marriage whole, the message goes, and do what you can, sacrifice yourself, to ensure that he doesn't find out the truth. Suffocate him with kindness, spare him grief, and be sure he doesn't learn about himself, stop needing you -- and leave!
...It seems that protecting a man from himself, not "calling him on some of his problems," gives him what he wants: a sense that he's right, wise, emotionally stable, too involved in important matters like work to be bothered with incdental issues like relationships; and the exhilarating illusion that he's in control. Protecting a man from understanding who he is leads to disenchantment, insoluble dilemmas, and in the most extreme cases, the fracturing of a marriage. The worst thing that can be said about helping a man not to help himself is that the woman suffers. And nothing is more futile than spending a lifetime grieving over how "he won't change," and making excuses for him at the same time.
... Who asks that the message's dictum be carried out -- you, your husband, or both of you? Is the message stated or merely implied that you will be his emotional protector? What is the mechanism that moves you to protect a man, even though you claim it makes you unhappy to do so?
...Some of us admit to the truth though: we say we're protecting him, but we're really protecting ourselves. We can exercise a discernible amount of control over a man when we treat him as if he were a hopelessly frightened child. We get accustomed to his failing and cooperate in blunting his emotional growth and development.
What stops us? Frankly, many women... are hesitant to take the chance to help their husbands become full partners in marriage. Stopping a discussion that is crucial to married life because it might upset him, or pretending something doesn't exist to keep him at a distance from the facts, keeps a man in an emotionally childlike position forever. And should you believe that one wrong move would destroy the relationship -- that is, telling the truth or confronting him -- you're better off without it! Marriage should be a friendship. In a friendship there may be words exchanged that are hurtful, but that doesn't mean there is no love in the relationship. If you live in fear of not protecting your husband, you're only hurting yourself."
from Men are Just Desserts by Sonya Friedman
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