Monday, May 09, 2005

Bad Dreams and Other Things

This has been an unusual pregnancy in more than one way. One of the things that has been unusual is the almost complete lack of baby dreams I have had. Usually I have all kinds of dreams about giving birth in odd situations to odd things. That hasn't happened this time. Maybe it is because down deep I don't have any issues about this baby, when it is going to happen, where or under which circumstances. I know in the past these have all been things I have fretted over, but not this time.

I hate it when I have bad dreams. I had one early this morning when I woke up and the flavor of it is still affecting me nine hours later. This dream was inspired by an entry that Carmon had on her blog several months ago about a homeschool mother who accidentally backed the family van over her two year old and killed it. I just about had hysterics when I read that one and I know it was in the back of my mind when I was dreaming early this morning. In my dream, I was in the old blue 15 passenger van we used to own and I backing it up down a snowy driveway. In my mirror I could see my daughter Hannah with my youngest daughter, Elodie who were running alongside the driveway. At a certain point I felt the van go over something with a bump and heard Hannah's shriek of horror. I remember telling myself to wake up so I wouldn't have to see Elodie's lifeless body under the van. And I did. Elodie was snuggled up safely beside me in bed, having snuck in earlier. It was a relief to see her there, but that dream still haunts me.

On a happier note, my office is finally back together. I no longer have rather battered looking white walls and disorganized and stuffed bookcases. Instead I have a deep warm golden color on my walls that provides a sharp but pleasing contrast to the navy blue curtains at the windows. It took me two days to put back all the books, and I sorted out a number of them to go to the attic in rubbermaid tubs so that they are no longer stacked three deep in my bookshelves. I was also able to get rid of the extra computer and computer desk and all the unsightly wires and rearrange the office furniture in a more pleasing way. I now have a functional and attractive work and study space. One of these days I'll take a picture and post it.

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