Yesterday, in Which I Had a Nap
You might wonder why annoucing I had a nap is blog-worthy. It is because it happens so seldom. There just isn't time or enough cessation of noise around here for it to work. And one thing a pregnant lady really likes is her afternoon nap.
Yesterday Trista, my second daughter and mother to my beautiful grandchildren, came and picked up "Uncle Garnie" and "Aunt Elodie" to come and play with their niece and nephew for the day. Two gone, six to go.
My dh took the older boys with him to the dump. Four gone, four to go.
The neighbor kids called and asked for some of my kids to come and play: seven gone; one to go.
One was quiet enough and I was able to get a rest. But I didn't like it. When I awoke, it was to find everything in exactly the same place I had left it. Many might think this a cause for rejoicing, especially the way things go missing around here or get moved to mysterious places when my back is turned. However, it struck me that rather than being a cause for rejoicing, it was really a taste of what it would be like to be childless, or at least without some of the little critters who inhabit this house.
And I wanted my Elodie.
I think I figured out what that dream about driving over her means. You see, when you have a baby and are home with said baby every day, nursing it, tending to it, and seeing to all its needs and wants, a special bond develops between you and that nursling that is very close and intimate. As that baby grows up, they grow away from you as they begin to become more independant. But what really serves to sever that bond in a dramatic way is the appearance of yet another baby. You gain a new partner in intimacy, but you do lose that same closeness with the elder child, who, at least in this family, is still a baby. For myself, at least, the joy of a new baby is mixed with regret over the next milestone that the foregoing child has reached -- that of older sibling.
I know there are mothers out there who place all their dependance for emotional happiness on their children, and never allow the children to individuate. I think my older children will attest to the fact that I don't have this problem. Nevertheless, I think I am going to really miss that special close bond that you get with babies when my last baby grows up and away. I'm already missing Elodie.